“You simply need to live your own reality, your own version of success, and then lead by example.” – Harvey Bailey
Harvey Bailey is an author, professional speaker, Ordained Reverend, and relationship expert. He’s a good friend and his insights tie perfectly into fulfilling your inner life – he specifically ties spirituality into authenticity and shows you what this had to do with leading yourself to higher levels of peace of mind.
Your Superconscious Mind
“Harvey,” I said, “what’s the key to following a path true to yourself and fulfilling your inner life in a world that is constantly trying to get you to be like someone else?”
“Tap into your superconscious mind,” Harvey said. “You do this through meditation. Also, get out of your own way. Once you receive intuitive guidance, let go and trust in the process.”
Tapping into your superconscious mind is so important because it helps you receive the guidance necessary to break free from external expectations and the pressures of the outside world. When you find yourself struggling, meditate or pray – whatever works best for you. Going into solitude will allow you to find your center. And to further add to Harvey’s insights, writing down your thoughts in a journal is a great way to release the frustrations of life while tapping into your innate genius.
Successful Relationships
“I know you are an expert on successful relationships,” I said, “as you frequently speak to audiences about perfecting their relationships. And you also work with couples. What are the keys to successful relationships? I know a big part of being fulfilled on the inside is getting along well with other people, especially those you are closest to.”
“One, communication,” Harvey said. “And within point one is being honest, since strong communication stems from an honest person. Don’t ever stop trying to communicate; communicate openly, honestly, and often.
“Two, be forgiving of others. People are human. They make mistakes. Learn your lesson, forgive, and move on with the relationship if you can.
“Three, don’t ever give up. I see so many people give up on their relationships when all they needed was a slight change in their communication in order to have the relationship succeed.
“If a relationship doesn’t work, that’s not giving up – that’s simply acknowledging the truth, which is that it’s not meant to be and the relationship is dead. If the relationship is on life support you can bring it back. If there’s no response for two weeks or more, it’s probably a dead relationship.
“But be aware of a dead relationship versus a relationship that’s on life support. Life support begins when you are starting to worry things may not work out – you call them and they say baby it’s been busy, but they don’t seem to be making the time for you anymore. The other person may be putting in some degree of effort in the relationship, but it’s only an hour or two here or there – there’s still an effort, but the other person isn’t fully there. This means they are not fully committed because they are committed to other things they’re doing.
“In that case, at least they are putting in some kind of effort, so there’s hope. But even with that, you have to make the determination if YOU want to be in the relationship. So when I say don’t give up, what I’m really telling you is to not give up on yourself. Value yourself, be around the right people, and the right person will come into your life at the right time. The first relationship is always the one with yourself.”
That last line Harvey said is so powerful I’m going to repeat it. The first relationship is always the one with yourself. One of my favorite quotes of all time, by Dr. Wayne Dyer, is “you cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” Harvey’s point is a direct extension of this quote: your relationships with all other human beings really flow from your relationship with yourself.
Harvey is like me in that he’s not afraid to do things alone. Harvey calls it doing you. We both have plenty of friends, but if those friends and significant others are busy or doing other things, we don’t let that affect our plans or state of being. We go live our lives anyway. Fulfilling your inner life and achieving prosperity means moving forward and doing the right thing whether lots of people have your back or no one has your back, or anywhere in-between.
“If you are just tired of a person and you are quitting the relationship for no good reason, then that’s giving up without giving the other person a fair chance at being your companion,” Harvey said.
Watch for these dichotomies within yourself – dichotomies that we all have – and find the balance of being true to yourself while giving another person a fair shot at being the one. A fair shot does not mean that you compromise yourself or devalue yourself in any way; it simply means you make your evaluation of a person with all things considered, rather than snap judgments and unfair demands.
Also, be sure to put yourself first. This is not selfish. In fact, it’s the opposite of selfish. Putting yourself first will allow you to fully love others. That’s because the love you have for others is a direct extension of the love you have for yourself. You can only give away what you already have inside you.
Paradox: You Always Have a Choice, Yet Your Path is Already Laid Out
Now that you have a feel for Harvey’s take on authenticity in relationships, let’s dive into another aspect of Harvey’s innate wisdom as it further relates to connecting with the spark of truth that lies at the center of your soul.
“Trust in God and trust in yourself,” Harvey said. “Then you do the best you can. Wasting time worrying about what might happen will only hold you back. Forget the crisis. Instead, hold your mind focused on the solution.
“Forget the thought, why is this happening to me? Forget that immediately – it’s happening and it is what it is. It’s like spilled milk on the floor. What do you do? Do you stand there and look at it all day, waiting to see what will happen, or do you go and clean it up?
“What you can do right now, this instant, is find a solution. Don’t concern yourself with fear and worry. Focus your mind on taking action and that will help you with the solution.”
“That resonates with me big-time,” I said. “It’s so incredibly easy to worry about the problem, but the key is to keep your mind focused on the solution. Easier said than done, but properly training our minds leads to changes in our reality. Even after we’ve had success, problems are going to happen. Such is the nature of life.”
“Yes, absolutely,” Harvey said. “Remember that ebook I had you read, The Quantum Reality?”
“Yes, of course,” I said, “great ebook. Reminds us that the reality we are each living is much more of a fluke, a quantum possibility, than each of us would have ever possibly imagined.”
“Exactly,” Harvey said. “And what keeps us open to those quantum possibilities, those solutions, is keeping our mind focused on the solution. Most people miss their opportunities because they are lost in negativity, distraction, and blame.
“I’m still working on it. We are all still working on it. We are all works in progress. But it’s not about doing, it’s about being. This is a hard process and concept for most people because they are endlessly completing tasks without ever being the thing they want to become and show to the world.
“You need to figure out what real happiness is. A lot of people aren’t clear about happiness; a lot of people think happiness is money and material things. Meditate and get to know what YOU really want, NOT what your parents and friends want. Maybe you want to ride the rails and be a hobo and you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. Figure out who you are and what it is that you really want. That’s true success because it comes from within. You don’t need other people to agree with your version of reality. You simply need to live your own reality, your own version of success, and then lead by example.”
We are lucky enough to get a detailed process from Harvey about how to get in touch with our inner wisdom through a process called visioning. Ask yourself the following questions (I phrased the questions in the first person so that your mind can instantly begin processing them):
- What is God’s purpose for my life?
- What must I become to achieve God’s purpose for my life?
- What must I release to achieve God’s purpose in my life? (All growth is in releasing. You can’t keep your foot on first and steal second base. Forget safety; life is about taking risks – calculated and life-affirming risks, of course.)
- Is there anything else I need to know at this moment? Some people don’t think God’s plan is in harmony with their own plan. Sit down with visioning, relax, breathe deeply, and let the answers come to you. This will merge God’s plan with your own (Harvey is about to clarify this for us even further).
“If the answer comes to you, stop the negative thoughts about thinking you can’t do it,” Harvey said. “Let’s create our make-believe person, named Johnny. Johnny asks God the question and God says that Johnny’s purpose is to be a minister. But Johnny’s been hitting the club and been chasing tail. Then in college, he’s an engineer; that’s Johnny’s choice. But those very choices may end up leading him to the circumstances that are needed in order for him to become the kind of minister he needs to be. Be true to YOU. We as humans can’t understand that things can be the opposite and still be true. Johnny can trust in God’s purpose for his life while still making his own choices, trusting it’s all unfolding the way it’s meant to unfold.”
The point here is that Harvey has now given you full, absolute, and complete encouragement and permission to go your own way in life, to define and then create your own version of success. If you still have any doubts, now is the time to banish them! It’s your divine right as a human being to do what you want, not what someone else thinks. To quote Harvey from one of the best speeches I’ve ever witnessed in my life – and I’ve seen my fair share of legendary speeches – affirm to yourself, “get behind me doubt, worry, and fear.”
Harvey and I always have incredibly epic, intense (in a good way), and deep heart-to-heart conversations, so let’s dive into choosing your ultimate destiny even further.
“The Divine Paradox,” Harvey said, “is that no matter what you choose, your path is already chosen for you. There is still purpose in choosing and we all have free will, yet our path is already chosen for us; it’s both.
“Back to our example of Johnny wanting to be an engineer. His own free choice, despite the input from God to be a minister, came from the same source within.”
“So tell me if I understand this correctly,” I said. “God’s will is manifested through each human being as an intuitive nudge of what our end destination will be, but the same will from God is placed in each of us to make our own decisions, which, ironically and paradoxically, leads to that same end destination to begin with.”
“You’re getting it,” Harvey said. “Johnny wanting to be an engineer is a desire that comes from the same source that gave him that order to be a minister. This journey through life allows us to pick up all these different experiences that shape and mold us into the very person we need to become in order to fulfill our destiny.”
“This is starting to make more sense now,” I said. “It seems like there’s value in making mistakes at times. Not that we’d ever do that intentionally, but sometimes those very mistakes are the things that lead us to the knowledge and insight that help us succeed. The silver lining is that mistakes lead you to your purpose, to your own version of success.”
“Yes,” Harvey said. “Whatever path you take, whatever choices you make, you have 100% free will, yet it’s already chosen for you. As we discussed, Johnny needed to be an engineer because he picked up certain useful experiences along the way; he will eventually be led back to becoming the minister. For years, being a minister has been placed inside Johnny by God. But the experiences he got by going his own way came from God as well.
“In your journey through life you will learn things you need, to become what you want to become. You’ll get there in a roundabout way, the way that merges your free will with your Divine plan, which are paradoxically one in the same. The contradiction here is that you always have a choice; you can also always tap into your intuition. Even though the path is already laid out for you, you always have a choice.”
“I follow you wholeheartedly, Harvey,” I said, “and I can’t even begin to describe how epic your insights are. With that said, it still feels like life is just such a struggle sometimes. And I know I don’t have it nearly as bad as other people on this planet who’ve been dealt far worse cards than I have. What are your thoughts on that?”
“It goes back to being,” Harvey said. “Try not to grasp this conceptually or intellectually, but deep in your heart and soul. Rather than mentally grasping at the answers and listening to your mind tell you about the endless struggle, tap into the core wisdom of your being that already knows the answer. Spiritually speaking, you’re already who you want to be; you just haven’t fully tapped into that part of yourself yet.”
The key Harvey has discussed activating here is tapping into your own heart, mind, and soul. Your true self is already authentic – you just need to let it out and reveal it to the world by making choices that are fully true to you! To learn more about tapping into the hidden recesses of your own psyche and soul in a way that maximizes your potential, please check out my amazon bestselling book The Power of Authentic Leadership: Activating the 13 Keys to Achieving Prosperity Through Authenticity.
Connect with Ordained Reverend, relationship coach, and author Harvey Bailey on LinkedIn.
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