Developing the Mountaintop Mindset

“Three billion people on the face of the earth go to bed hungry every night, but four billion people go to bed hungry for a simple word of encouragement and recognition.” – Cavett Robert

As we dive into specific tactics, strategies, and methods you can use to move forward with your life, grow, and evolve, always remember that the Mountaintop is not so much a place as it is a way of being and a state of mind. In harnessing your self-worth and disregarding the opinions of others, know that there are going to be constant ups and downs. But if you implement what we will discuss here you will build a strong foundation to more easily transcend the storms of life.

As you know, no one ever told me that my self-worth didn’t depend on an external circumstance such as playing a sport. I always had a choice and my power was buried inside the center of my psyche and soul all along, but I didn’t realize this until long after my sports career was over. Your power is already within you – you just need to uncover it. This is not some motivational saying; this is a real, practical fact.

Although high school baseball was often a nightmare, I went on to play baseball at the collegiate level. As I mentioned earlier, I was a college recruit athlete, and there were many college scouts out there impressed by my playing abilities. I also went on to play baseball out in Europe, competing against players who played in the minor league (the minor league is the level above college and below the major league). This shows that if you love something to the core, you don’t have to let other people stop you from doing it, regardless of what they think. There will be many roadblocks, delays, and setbacks, but ultimately YOU are the only person who can permanently stop you. Other people may temporarily stop you or momentarily delay you, but you always have the final say in the long-run.

Life may certainly be very unfair at times, but it does have some built-in balancing mechanisms that allow you to find the silver lining and move forward despite undesirable situations.

Stay Humble

In order to fully take control of your life and protect your self-worth from the fake and foolish actions of others, you must develop the Mountaintop mindset of continuously learning, growing, evolving, and pushing forward. This includes remaining humble. Don’t give in to your ego. It’s a normal human tendency to have an ego, but don’t let it overcome you – keep it in check. Have confidence and associate with the right people, but always treat others with respect, even when they’re criticizing you. If you become arrogant, you may still make a difference in the lives of others, but you won’t be perceived as authentic. Assertiveness is good, but arrogance is bad.

For example, a big-time travel blogger, who I’ll respectfully leave nameless, severely criticized me in a phone conversation. Please know I’m all for constructive feedback and I invite people to always be honest with me (and I’m just using this as an example; no hard feelings here). With that said, he came out of nowhere and started to disparage me and put down my first book, Traveling Triumphs: The Improbable in Budapest and Beyond. This guy had a big ego and did not think twice about putting me in my place. While it’s great that he has so many followers on social media and I genuinely admire his success, it doesn’t give him a right to treat people like garbage.

The weird part about this conversation is that it was my first, and last, conversation with this guy. It’s something I can laugh about now, but what I realized from the conversation is that some people let success go to their head. He wasn’t humble at all, and he came across as an unkind person. It’s absolutely fantastic that he achieved success in the travel blogging world, but his inability to treat newcomers to the industry with respect will limit his ability to climb higher towards the Mountaintop.

Face your doubts head on. Feel your feelings, face them directly, and watch as you are able to laugh at circumstances that terrify many. Look within for your answers regardless of what other people tell you to do. If it matches up with the advice from others, great. But if your inner guidance doesn’t agree with the input and suggestions from others, don’t let that faze or stop you for one second. One of the biggest regrets of the dying is that they weren’t always true to themselves. Don’t let that happen to you. Know it’s never too late to turn things around. If you’re alive and breathing, you still have opportunity to make things better by following your own unique inner voice.

Don’t Crash

As with so many other things in life, developing the Mountaintop mindset is a catch-22. You reach your best life and achieve Mountaintop moments by staying grounded and serving others (genuinely, without false pretense). You become successful when you are too busy to wonder whether you are a success or failure because you are so focused on helping others, creating change, and achieving more. The feeling of “Mountaintop” is about being true to yourself, disregarding people who criticize and judge you, and deciding to live out your life’s purpose even when the chips are down and the odds are against you.

To be clear – and to take it from someone who has been used by many people with ulterior motives – helping others does not mean, in any way whatsoever, that you let others abuse you, take advantage of you, or cheat you. Stand up for yourself respectfully and say no when necessary. Also, don’t ever be afraid to speak up and let others know how you feel. I’m simply suggesting to you to adopt the Mountaintop mindset of being kind, serving others, and becoming a bigger person than your naysayers. Take each situation of your life on a case-by-case basis and do what’s right for you. Use your Mountaintop mindset as a guiding mechanism to navigate life’s inevitable trials and tribulations.

I’ve found in my experience a great irony: the moment I think I’m doing well and succeeding, life has a way of knocking me back down, putting me in my place, and humbling me. Yet, the moment I think I’m failing and all is lost, life has a way of unexpectedly showing me that my efforts do matter, especially when I didn’t realize people were taking note of my actions after all. Some examples that show I am making a difference are emails or letters from people looking forward to my next book, when I bump into an old friend who saw one of my YouTube videos and he or she loved the message, or getting feedback that one of my blog posts helped someone make an important decision or overcome a challenge.

One of the challenges of life is that we tend to hear more from our critics than our supporters. Critics tend to be vocal and mean. Know that even if you don’t see it or realize it, you are making a difference in the lives of others.

Just like the government, life has its checks and balances, a built-in seesaw system. If you chase after success, it will always seem to elude you, similar to chasing your own shadow and never being able to grasp it. But if you become the person you’d like to attract into your life, filled with character, morals, values, and ethical standards of kindness, success and other people who embody these characteristics will find you.

By all means, maintain a sense of confidence and belief in yourself, but don’t let big wins cause you to get a big head about yourself. That’s why it is so crucial for it to be your Mountaintop. If you get a big head about yourself because other people love you, you’ll fall into the gutter when other people hate you – as I did at the end of my high school years. As my good friend Dr. Dorothy Martin-Neville, a successful professional speaker, says, “Always stay down-to-earth. If you get too high on yourself, you will have a crash.” Again, I’m all for genuine confidence and self-esteem; just remember to stay even-keeled.

If you reach the top only to find that you climbed the wrong ladder, what’s the point? That’s not really success, is it? Instead of being addicted to basing yourself on the whims and moods of others, why not stay independent of other opinions and be yourself? True success is about fulfilling your inner life and doing what YOU want, not what others expect of you. Put your ladder against the wall where YOU want to put it, regardless of what it pays.

Money is only one very small measure of success. Just because someone has lots of money doesn’t necessarily mean they are successful and fulfilled on the inside. What’s important, though, is that they’re hopefully making progress on a journey they’ve chosen, not what someone else chose for them.

Daniel Midson-Short, a fellow speaker and kindred spirit from Australia now living in California, said in one of his powerful speeches, “Letting others dictate your life’s path is like giving someone else the remote control to your life. The sense of expectation and obligation to others will always be there, but sometimes the bravest thing you can do is just be you and do what you want to do.”

Powerful words – they encapsulate one of the core themes of this book in two sentences! I love how humble and precise Daniel is, and he lives what he teaches. I first met him in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, while we were both competing in the semifinals of the World Championship of Public Speaking. He was in a different semifinal grouping that went before mine, and I had the pleasure of watching his speech. It was about the power of putting down our phones and actually paying attention to life. Most of us are addicted to being online and are missing out on our lives. The key here is that when you get to know yourself better and pay attention to the little things, you’ll be less inclined to let other people determine your life’s direction. Awareness is essential.

As you grow in confidence and implement this Mountaintop mindset, remember that you don’t have to follow everyone’s advice. This is a deceptively simple tip. And it’s very helpful to keep it in mind when you are around people who want you to conform to their expectations. These people usually mean well and have good hearts. However, they’re people with their own opinions, and you have every right to respectfully disregard their input.

The people you look up to are normal human beings. They have flaws and quirks like the rest of us. In my own evolution as a person, what I’ve found is that everyone is just a person: nothing more, nothing less. Please know that this is not disparaging or putting down anyone as each individual is infinitely worthy of our respect. I simply want us to acknowledge our own power and realize that we have just as many gifts, talents, and potential as anyone else. It’s also knowing that we can live life to our own standards, without giving in to the demands and pressures of others.

Remember What Got You Here

Ravi Wettasinghe is from San Diego, California. I became friends with him in the Dominican Republic. We were there with a group of people to help feed and house some of the less fortunate members of the Dominican Republic who chop crops with a machete for a living and barely have enough to survive. Ravi is studying at Quinnipiac University’s Medical School, focusing on infectious disease. He is brilliant and an all-around awesome and genuine guy. It was a pleasure to get to know him and become friends with him on this trip.

“It is so incredibly important to embrace the process and focus on the hard work it takes to be successful,” Ravi said. “I’ve found that success, paradoxically, can become a roadblock because when you start getting complacent and stop growing, that’s when you’ll fall and lose the very success you once had.

“Remember what got you to where you are,” Ravi said. “Was it sitting around and doing nothing all the time, or was it staying hungry, focused, and determined to get to the next level?”

Ravi is all for downtime and relaxation too. However, what he’s really talking about here is the exact thing we’ve been discussing in this chapter: developing, cultivating, harnessing, and implementing the Mountaintop mindset of being humble, always learning, and not getting a big head. Always treat your learning, growth, and personal development as a never-ending process.

“Success is absolutely fantastic,” Ravi said, “but don’t ever think you’re better than someone else. You may have done different things and chosen to do different activities, but you’re not more valuable or worthy than they are as a human being.”

Ravi’s grounded nature is inspiring, to say the least. Like everyone else I’ve featured in this book, Ravi’s character is top-notch, and he puts into action what he shares here with us. Now let me be very clear: I’ve gone to great lengths to only feature people in this book who are men and women of their word. And Ravi is one of them.

Celebrate your success. Have some fun. And spend some time with your friends and family. Give yourself a break once in a while. And never forget to continue implementing the hard work ethic that got you to where you are in the first place. Beware, though, if you let your values and ethics go because you are making progress and achieving, you may lose the very success you attained.

To make sure we are on the same page here: it is absolutely alright to realize that you have better character than someone else and that their values don’t align with yours. And self-confidence, which comes from knowing and embracing your value, is a valuable quality to have. However, this does not mean you’re an intrinsically better or more worthy person than other people, nor does it mean you are judging others. It means that you’ve become more aware of what you value most. In turn, it is within your right to not be around people who bring you down or who don’t reflect where you’re going with your life.

“Make sure what you are going after is what YOU want,” Ravi said. “If your Mountaintop includes less career and more time spent with family, then make sure to include that in your own equation. Just because someone is doing better than you in one area doesn’t mean they are more successful than you. Someone may have reached the pinnacle of their career, but forgotten about friends and family.”

As Ravi knows well, there is more to true success than meets the eye. Success is an inside job, and most of it consists in the makeup of your invisible inner world, not your visible outer world. As Jim Rohn said, “Your inner life is reflected in your outer life.”

Ravi isn’t saying that any one version of success is better or worse than any other version. He’s saying that you need to make sure you are finding the right balance and aspects of life that work for you. If you want more time with family, then adjust some other area of your life to make it happen.

“If you are burned out from chasing this idea of success, it might be time to stop and learn to enjoy each day,” Ravi said. “If your body is telling you to slow down, then listen to what you need. Work extremely hard and never give up, but don’t go so over-the-top that all other areas of your life fall to pieces. That’s why you must do what works for your specific situation.”

Ravi says it best and is the true embodiment of the Mountaintop mindset: it’s not about reaching some distant pinnacle and then calling it quits. It’s about creating a sustained attitude, habit, and way of living that allows you to embrace challenges and obstacles like a true winner and champion. Win, lose, or tie, your new mindset will allow you to handle the twists and turns of life.

Listen to the Inner Longings

When your self-worth is tied to what other people think, you will sit back and get complacent when everyone approves of you, even if what you’ve done hasn’t satisfied your inner longings. While writing my first book, Traveling Triumphs: The Improbable in Budapest and Beyond, three years ago, I was going to graduate school at Johns Hopkins Carey Business School, where I completed a two-year Master’s degree program in one year. Additionally, I was working for the Charles County government, which was a two-hour drive one way from Baltimore down into southern Maryland. I was also traveling, growing my speaking business, and constantly doing the networking required to take my initiatives to the next level.

If I had chosen not to write a book, not one person on the planet would have questioned me amidst my intensely busy schedule during those days. But I knew something was missing in my life, and when I listened to my true self, I realized that I needed to write a book at this point in my life, regardless of how busy I was.

I had an absurdly busy schedule, and I wouldn’t be exaggerating to tell you that I had about 15 to 30 minutes of free time a day. But that was enough – I would do my best to dedicate at least 15 minutes a day to the book. Sometimes I only wrote for five to seven minutes or even less. Other days, I could squeeze in an entire lunch break or even a whole hour at the end of the day. And on the weekends, after finishing my homework, I would decline invitations from friends to hangout so that I could write and edit for hours. I know what I did was a sacrifice, but it takes discipline, dedication, and sacrifice in the short-run to get what you want in the long-run. As Jerry Rice said, “Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t.”

The mindset here is that you must focus on fulfilling your inner life before worrying about outer success. Yes, I obviously wasn’t shirking my responsibilities at Johns Hopkins, as it was an incredibly challenging school with concepts I’d never been exposed to before. But when my classes for the day were done, and I was done with work and homework, I decided to do what TRULY gave my life meaning and purpose. By writing and working on my book, I made myself happy. In nearly any situation, at any time, you can do the same.

Learn From Anyone and Everyone

To emphasize just how important it is to always be learning, let’s briefly hear from author and blogger Nick Thacker who will speak with us later in the book at greater length:

“From college professors to business mentors, supportive friends to family members, just about everyone in the world can teach us something. We need to have the mindset and clarity to be able to recognize that. Then we need to have the ability to process it for what it is: free consulting.

“Part of being human, I believe, is wanting more. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that either, until our identity begins to get wrapped up in that. But passion isn’t passion because it’s a financial means to something more, it’s a passion because you can’t NOT do it.

“So when you feel frustrated, beat up, or like your life is running in circles, pause and focus instead on what you have. If you had less of it, would you still be happy? How much would you need to lose before you realize how much you actually had? This isn’t just a philosophical exercise. Many of us have more than we need, and we all know that money doesn’t buy happiness outright.”

This is important to hear. Furthermore, Nick touches on two additional key elements of the Mountaintop mindset: always be grateful by counting your blessings, and remember that money is only one small aspect of success.

Money is definitely not the only measure of how well you are doing. I emphasize this because money is so thoroughly ingrained into our culture that most people have forgotten what really matters. While money is an important tool to grow your impact, it’s not something to become obsessed with.

“Hardly anyone has money to start out, but the good news is that you don’t need any,” Nick said. “If you want to make an impact in the community, go do that. Volunteer your evenings and weekends helping others, teach a college course, or something of that sort. Write about it on a free blog and make an effort to keep at it.”

Don’t fall into the trap that you need a certain amount of money to be happy; you can be happy now. There are so many aspects and dimensions to your life that if one area is lacking, there are other areas where you have opportunity. No money, but lots of time? Then find creative ways to help others without spending money. Lots of money, but no time? Then find a cause you believe in and donate. The means will vary from person to person and situation to situation, but there is nearly always a way you can make a difference today if you really want to.

Geeta’s Aha Moment

I must share with you professional speaker, writer, and freelancer Geeta Nadkarni’s Aha moment because it’s a great complement to what Nick said and perfectly embodies everything we’re discussing. I first met her in Washington, D.C., at the National Speakers Association conference in July of 2015. She had a 5-minute segment speaking in front of thousands of fellow speakers and absolutely NAILED it, really showcasing her expertise. She did so well in her 5-minute spotlight session that a bunch of businesses and tons of people approached her afterward. This goes to show you that preparation can really pay off.

Geeta was excited for me to share her content in this book. Her mindset, philosophy, and insights tie perfectly into the theme of defining your own version of success instead of letting someone else define it for you. We spoke on the phone for a while after the conference, and I was able to soak in her wisdom. She got her first paid writing gig at 12. While growing up in India, she always had the entrepreneurial mindset.

“I give myself a breather on weekends,” Geeta said. “My aha moment was in realizing that happiness comes first – happiness is a decision. Happiness comes first, success comes second. I’m not waiting for the one million dollars to be happy.”

“That’s very powerful,” I said, “and reminds me of what my friend, Michael Benner, says about happiness, (an emotional intelligence expert who will be featured in a chapter after yours in my book).”

“Yes,” Geeta said, “it’s a great mindset. I’m always living in gratitude with every meal I eat. I also make sure to have way more positive comments in my household than negative ones. Because when you are around negative people, it’s a lot harder to maintain the right mindset.

“My 3-year-old keeps me on track,” Geeta continued. “If I’m ever mixing up my priorities, my 3-year-old will let me know immediately. I make sure to be LIVING what I teach others. I keep myself tied to what’s really important. Far beyond revenue and the daily stuff we get obsessed with, I make the decision to be happy. The end.”

Geeta is awesome, isn’t she? She reminds us that we are always making some kind of choice and happiness can also be a choice. She also touches on the hallmark of the Mountaintop way of life: living and practicing what you teach others. You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to what happens to you.

“It’s also important to know that when you become successful, a new level of complexity opens up,” Geeta said. “So success is really not a destination. I’d like to emphasize the importance of enjoying today. If you enjoy every moment, then you win in every moment. If I’m really stressed, I’ll walk away.

“I work out 6 times a week, and I’m very deliberate about making sure my body is in good shape because it keeps my mind sharp. I wake up at 4:30 AM every morning, and it’s a total privilege to be able to do this. There are times when it’s really bloody hard, and I have to work ridiculously hard, but I enjoy it.

“Work is not so much about sacrifice and tradeoff as it is about purpose and serving others,” shared Geeta. “When I’m living on purpose, I feel lit up. That’s when I enjoy the rush of creating something from nothing. I also use accountability partners to keep me on track.

“I also meditate all the time, which keeps my mind clear. I average two audiobooks a week. I cut off the safety net and just jumped. I had to replace all the negativity in my life with positive reinforcement. Entrepreneurship is a very lonely journey, and I had to replace 90% of my friends.

“Those who tell good stories rule the world,” Geeta continued. “The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. Everything – your relationships, your food, your daily life – it’s all about the story you tell yourself. Whatever story you tell yourself will be your reality.

“If you think marriage sucks, it will be a reality. If you tell yourself you can do anything, you can do anything. So it’s beyond blogging, it’s beyond just doing stuff; it’s being super-vigilant about the stories you tell yourself in every area of your life. If you don’t like the story you are living, then get out your Sharpie and rewrite it,” Geeta emphasized.

Geeta, just like all the other champions I’ve mentioned in this chapter and will refer to later in this book, is the real deal. Even if you’re not an entrepreneur, Geeta’s lessons are powerful. The final aspect of the Mountaintop mindset is to be willing to reinvent yourself when you’re not happy with your current story. Rather than beat yourself up, take the enlightened advice of Geeta and simply decide to paint a new picture. It’s not always easy, and it takes time, but this mindset will give you the perfect starting point to live your best life.

Geeta freely acknowledges that the journey is not always easy, and there will be challenges. But if you apply the right mindset and become conscious of your stories, you can write the next chapter in your life with purpose, power, and conviction. This is another powerful and important aspect of the Mountaintop mindset.

There’s Always More

Internationally-renowned bestselling author and professional speaker Randy Gage mirrors what Geeta said.

“When you solve one problem, another problem opens up,” Randy said. “That’s the meaning of life. There are always more challenges, more obstacles, and more problems that will come your way.

“Rather than be discouraged by this, learn to embrace the process,” Randy continued. “The only people with no problems are the ones with tombstones above them. Don’t create an imaginary finish line. Instead, realize that it’s an ongoing and never-ending journey.

“The moment you achieve one goal, you will have a new goal. Success is not linear – there are constant peaks and valleys, ups and downs, wins and losses. As you climb your ladder, make sure you are committing to the right things and treating people the right way.”

Randy is loved and admired by many for a reason – he shares brilliant insights, and he’s often right. He says that you must be sure to commit to things you truly want to do. The Mountaintop mindset is realizing that even if you are not yet at your goal, you are a champion in each moment by sticking to your values, moving forward, and being the best version of yourself that you can be. And as you rise, remember to treat others with loving-kindness and respect – something Randy embodies amazingly well. If you embrace the important aspects of this mindset, you will be well prepared to implement the strategies in the chapters to come.

Randy introduced me to Scott Dinsmore, founder of Live Your Legend, through one of Randy’s periscope sessions. Very sadly, Scott tragically died while climbing Mount Kilimanjaro in September of 2015. He was just 33 years old. Let me leave you with Scott’s powerful words taken from his TEDx talk, How to find and do work you love, which I’m certain will echo throughout the depths of eternity:

“I did what I loved for four years and didn’t make one penny at it, only supported by my parents and wife. What finally made the difference was when I moved to San Francisco and surrounded myself with the right people – people who had the right mindset. Impossible became my new normal.”

 

 

Questions for Reflection

1. What are some of your recurring negative thoughts? What are some good replacement thoughts for these negative tendencies?
2. In what situations do you particularly beat yourself up? How can you ease up on yourself and become your own best friend?
3. When do you put your happiness off to the future? What can you do to be happy today?

This is chapter 2 from the award-winning book, Reach Your Mountaintop: 10 Keys to Finding the Hidden Opportunity in Your Setbacks, Flipping What You’ve Heard on Its Head, and Achieving Legendary Goals.