Last year, in 2020, I went through a brutal burnout. This is embarrassing to share because not everyone understands the severity of burnout, and some people are quick to judge.
I wrote about this burnout experience last year (link to that blog post is below, in the I’m still burned out section). There’s more to share here, so I’m sharing some additional insights.
It’s a truthful statement to say that I live my message of being transparent and taking off the mask, even when others around me aren’t acting in genuine ways (I’d rather be disliked for who I am than liked for who I’m not).
I go into this painful experience once again because I feel there’s value I can add around the lessons learned from the experience. I’m also speaking directly to a younger version of myself here.
Two lessons learned from my burnout experience:
You Can’t Change People
✔️ LESSON ONE: You can’t change people. I put WAY too much energy into trying to change people for years. Did I have the right intentions? Yes, absolutely…deep down, I simply wanted to help others live less dysfunctional lives.
The thing is – and I learned this the hard way – you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. Instead of trying to change people, distance yourself from dysfunctional people and put your energy into those who value what you have to say.
Prioritize Self-Care
✔️ LESSON TWO: Prioritize self-care, even if it means not fitting in or displeasing others. When you are in a work environment that doesn’t value work-life balance, it becomes quite challenging to choose yourself over the demands of others. I was in crazy, toxic work environments in Maryland, New York, Connecticut, and The Netherlands.
Although I knew it was unhealthy to be constantly working twelve hours per day (in some jobs I was working fifteen to eighteen hours per day, no exaggeration), I continued to please others, even at the expense of my health. The reason I pleased others is directly related to my traumas, which are too personal to share in this post. Trust me when I tell you there’s more to my story than you know.
My bosses were always happy with me, and I have positive recommendations from nearly every place I’ve ever worked. But it came at a great cost.
One time, it was 11 at night on a Friday evening, and I was still working. The CEO saw I was working and he told me he’s never seen anyone work as hard as I do. I did this for years.
Looking back on my twenties, I see that pushing my boundaries was not a viable long-term strategy. Had I paced myself better in my twenties, perhaps I wouldn’t have gone into such a severe burnout in my thirties, which required hospital treatments.
I’m Still Burned Out Now
I’m going to be vulnerable here and share with you something that I don’t usually share.
I’m still burned out right now.
I’m functioning (somewhat). But let me tell you, my energy is nowhere near where it used to be.
I barely have energy to clean the kitchen, and I’m often so exhausted I’m unable to enjoy time with others – or even, for that matter, properly function.
I may never be the same again.
Burnout is no joke, my friends. And the long-lasting effects are just as serious as the short-term pains.
The reason I share this is because pushing myself to insane levels as a twenty-something entrepreneur (I’m in my early thirties now) – while it got me lots of likes on Facebook and Instagram, as well as some applause for writing award-winning books – in the end, wasn’t worth it.
HEALTH is more important.
Yes, going after your dreams is both powerful and inspiring, among other things. And dreams, in many ways, make life worth living as you continue to help others. At the same time, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
It’s not practical or sensible to go crazy in the short-run, burn yourself out, and then collapse for life.
I have to do way less now than I used to. And I need to be careful, because I’m a few bad decisions away from going back into a more intense form of burnout.
Very Crappy Industries Prevent You From Recovering From Burnout
One of the main culprits of my burnout was the insane industries I was in for ten years – digital marketing and finance.
I got REALLY bad advice from others as far as what to study in college. Instead of leveraging my talents, like writing (which could have led me to study something like journalism, English, philosophy, etc.), I listened to my father and studied mathematics.
I also studied economics and finance. I currently have a master’s degree in finance from Johns Hopkins Carey Business School.
Don’t get me wrong, I got value from these studies and learned something. It’s good to know how the economy works, and my skill with numbers benefits me with my personal finances and investments.
At the same time, working in the finance and digital marketing industries has been beyond nuts because of how hectic and frantic they are.
I’m not mincing words here at all. Check out this post on the absolute worst boss I’ve ever had, from a digital marketing job I had in Rotterdam, Netherlands from 2018 through 2019.
This is not personal to a specific geographic location. I experienced these crazy companies in Maryland, New York, Connecticut (my home state), and The Netherlands (where I’m living in now).
When I state that they were hectic and frantic environments to be in, I’m understating it. They were toxic and downright soul-crushing to be in. I had to get hospital treatments for my burnout because of how destroyed my body was from being in these industries.
This is not only my experience. I talked to other people – friends, colleagues, acquaintances, etc. – who have had similar experiences in these industries and also went into brutal burnouts.
I say this because I want to share with you that:
- You can’t change the industries you’re in: As a changemaker let me say that change itself is DEFINITELY possible; I’m referring more here to the industry as a whole. You might be able to change the company you’re in if you’re persistent and convincing enough, but even then, change often happens over the medium and long-run, and not necessarily in the short-run. The topic of being a changemaker is a thorough discussion for another day. This post is about your health, not about getting on the front lines and battling dysfunctional people in crazy industries – which, by the way, I did for years, and it wore me down and burned me to a fucking crisp.
- Maybe you’re not in digital marketing or finance, and you work in a different industry (I’m jealous! I’m STILL working part-time in digital marketing right now as I build skill-sets in other areas): good for you, I hope you got better study and career advice than me, as far as leveraging your strengths. At the same time, please be aware of the quirks and flaws in your industry. I’m sorry to say, every industry has them. Is it a frantic, unhealthy pace and/or extra-long working hours like the industries I was in? Is it a lack of communication, leaving you feeling upset and unheard at the end of each day? Is it bad leadership that causes you to feel devalued not only as an employee, but as a person as well? Look for those flaws and messed up patterns because when you’re aware of them, you can begin to navigate through, around, and over them – standing up for yourself, changing jobs, changing industries, going back to school, etc.
There’s a lot here, and a lot to think about and reflect on. There’s also not necessarily easy or immediate answers or solutions, especially when the challenges are pervasive and repeating…and when the rent or mortgage bill is due each month.
If you feel stuck in the industries you’re in, perhaps you can experiment with negotiating a work-life balance in the interview. Ask/say to the person/people you’re interviewing with:
- Do people in this company tend to have a work-life balance? What is the culture like, in your honest opinion and experience?
- What are the normal working hours?
- Will I be judged by my colleagues and bosses if I end work at 5 pm, or is it expected to stay late every day? I’m all for working hard and meeting deadlines, but I also believe in taking care of myself, having a balance, and creating a life. It’s how I can best serve you and the company in the long-run.
If you’re interested and feel that you could benefit from it, I wrote an in-depth blog post on how to change careers.
You can also consider working part-time instead of full-time, if you can make ends meet that way.
We’re in this together.
I don’t mean that as a cheesy way, I mean it sincerely. I’m still struggling, even to this day. But when you start building that awareness, you start to realize there are more possibilities and solutions than meet the eye.
How To Prevent and Recover From Burnout (Slowly But Surely)
To add to my previous post on burnout, which I wrote last year, I’m going to demonstrate some additional lessons learned through a story. I believe in the power of stories and of living by example. And I’m finally, FINALLY learning my lesson to stop going over my boundaries, after years of being stubborn and refusing to learn that lesson.
I recently did something I’ve never done before.
I cancelled on a speaking/storytelling engagement.
The conference organizer – a genuinely awesome guy – sent me some messages regarding event changes, and I responded to him saying that I need to cancel.
This was a big opportunity and I was really excited about it, but I felt like I needed to respectfully bow out. This was SO hard for me to do, but it’s what is best for me.
I was going to share the story tomorrow, December 17th. If I didn’t cancel, then I wouldn’t have had the time to write this blog post today. 😊
Ironically, the story was going to be about my burnout experience, which I’m passionate about sharing with others so that I can help them.
There are a lot of reasons that go into this…overall, I feel like I need to learn to take on less and do less. And I’ve realized that I can’t help others if I haven’t first taken care of myself.
It’s like peeling back layers of an onion. The more layers I peel and heal, the more layers of burnout I see that were always underneath (and still there!). I was burned out, I am still burned out now, and I’m not sure when I will ever fully heal from this dang thing.
In my experience, it’s one of those conundrums where the farther I go in my healing process, the farther I realize there is still left to go.
It’s good that I’m developing all this awareness, but bad that I ignored my needs for so long.
As I rework/rewire/reinvent myself through this seemingly never-ending burnout, here are some things I’m putting into practice daily that may be of value to you as you recover from your burnout while working:
✅ Say no early and often (in my opinion, giving a reason “why” is OK if it’s someone you know or are close to – the less you know the person, the less need there is to explain yourself)
✅ Choose yourself over the demands of others
✅ When you agree to something that, deep down, you really don’t want to do, what seems noble on the surface is, in reality, failing yourself (saying “yes” to one thing is always saying “no” to something else)
✅ Health is more important than ambition
✅ Do less, not more
We all have deadlines. We are all put under pressure by our bosses or clients/customers at times. But feeling stressed out can become the exception, not the norm, if you keep implementing these tips over a long enough period of time.
Talk to me seven years ago and I would have said something along the lines of, “I will outwork everyone! Push yourself beyond all limits and boundaries, and then beyond that! Take on more than you can handle, and burn the candle on both ends!”
I’m a different person now. I’m working part-time, not full-time. I’m prioritizing health and relationships, not the illusion of success or ambition. And I’m choosing myself over the ridiculous, never-ending demands of other people who really don’t even have your best interests at heart.
I’d love to invent a time machine, go back in time to an earlier version of myself, and say with a smile and a hug, “Dude…I love your enthusiasm. I love your passion. I love your commitment to excellence. At the same time, you need to SLOW DOWN. Learn to be patient. Take your time. Stop doing so much. Stop pleasing others. And above all, put your well-being first.”
Healing From Burnout Is Also About Thinking Long-Term
It’s also about having a long-term mindset. We live in a short-term world – everything is about now, now, NOW. And I understand that there are always going to be things that come up unexpectedly that demand our attention, for various reasons.
But it’s also a choice.
We, as human beings, can CHOOSE to stop getting so caught up in short-term fires. I’m speaking to myself as much as I’m speaking to you, by the way. Keep asking yourself:
- Is this really important? It seems urgent, but is it something that truly needs to get done right now?
- What’s REALLY important here? (Your health and relationships are more important than work demands.)
- Are you stuck in a people-pleasing pattern, like I was? Or some other kind of pattern/trap? Break free and choose yourself!
I know this is all easier said than done, but it’s possible with practice. If I can somehow slowly start to heal after an absurd, insane two-year brutal burnout, then so can you (and like I said, I’m still not even close to “there” yet. I’m still burned out and still noticing some of my patterns and bad habits that keep me stuck in this burnout culture and dysfunctional society of ours).
From the bottom of my heart, I believe you can get out of whatever health crisis or life challenge you are in right now. You have the inner strength necessary to move forward.
I know this as a fact because if you’re the kind of person who read this blog post to completion, then you are the kind of person who can solve your challenges and create a life of abundance, peace, and joy.
Be patient with yourself. Burnout can take years to fully recover from, and that’s putting in lightly.
I love you.
Feel Free to Share With Others
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I’ve gotten bad advice from a lot of people.
Had I read what I just shared here in my early twenties, I feel that I could have saved myself a massive health crisis in my thirties.
I hope I’ve added genuine value to you here. Feel free to share this with anyone who may benefit.
What are some things you do to recover from burnout? How is your process going for you? I’d love to hear in the comments below.
Jeff Davis is an award-winning author, most recently publishing The Power of Authentic Leadership: Activating the 13 Keys to Achieving Prosperity Through Authenticity. He’s also an authentic leadership keynote speaker and success coach. Connect with him on LinkedIn and follow him on Twitter. For three free books (The Power of Authentic Leadership, Reach Your Mountaintop, and Traveling Triumphs) in exchange for being added to his email list, email his Executive Assistant at meg@jeffdspeaks.com. Learn more about his story on his About page and feel free to check out his author page on Amazon.
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