Put Yourself Out There and Be a Leader

I grew up in Newtown, Connecticut, located in Fairfield County. I recently moved into my own apartment in Branford, Connecticut, the quintessential shoreline town. The shoreline is one of the best aspects of Connecticut.

I do a pretty good job of living a balanced life. I genuinely work my butt off, but sometimes we all need a break. This past week I dealt with a particularly difficult client at work and feeling burned out, I knew I needed a break or else I’d lose my mind.

Almost Got Lost in Workaholic Mode

Last night, the evening of the 20th, I was tempted to go into workaholic mode – work on my 2nd book, grow my YouTube channel, make a dent in my pile of 27 books I bought but haven’t read yet, book my flight to Australia with rewards points – the list goes on and on. But I caught myself and remembered that I promised myself a fun weekend in the present moment, not a stressful one concerned about the future. So I turned the computer off, left my phone at home (had my phone off all day Saturday!), and went to the local bar Pasta Cosi.

I met two locals, a cute couple, who felt like family. Never met or saw them in my life until that moment, but I got such a great vibe. Have you ever met someone who you hit it off with instantly? This encounter also further solidified my knowledge that there is literally no such thing as a third wheel. In my experience – countless times – couples interact with you as a person, not a third wheel. But that’s a post for a different day.

We talked about the alarming number of children born with autism. This woman’s livelihood is working directly with autistic children. We established a connection because my cousin was diagnosed with autism, but due to my aunt’s many years of hard work, research, and the nonprofit organization she created, my cousin is no longer autistic. Sadly my aunt passed away last year at the age of 53, but interactions like this remind me that there are people out there doing great work. My aunt’s soul rests on the pillar of her incredible autistic research that was recognized nationally, including by the Surgeon General.

Geronimo Bar in New Haven

I could have skipped the above part, but I wanted to give you the backstory. The woman in Pasta Cosi apparently is the Queen of New Haven, figuratively speaking, and she suggested that I go to the Geronimo bar. I was going to go to a different bar if I hadn’t interacted with her, so this was a fortuitous encounter.

(In case you’re wondering – no, I’m not your typical bar-dweller, I just go once in a while when I’m in need of a break. And I make sure to drink alcohol responsibly; I’ve seen one too many episodes of Cops to do something stupid).

The interactions I had in Geronimo were Mountaintop-caliber discussions. Have you ever been in the flow, when things seemed to fall into place effortlessly? I sat down at the bar next to a cute blonde girl and said hello, but she didn’t seem interested. That didn’t faze me – I turned to my left and chatted with an incredibly friendly group of people my age from Killingworth, a town in Connecticut. I met a fun girl who just bought a house in Branford. I can understand why she did it; Branford is incredible, a true hidden gem of Connecticut.

Budapest, Hungary – the hidden gem of the world

Then two kids came up to me and commented on my “Budapest” shirt and told me how they were there for several weeks. I talked about my experiences living there for a year. I meet a lot of people who have been to Budapest, which is no surprise – as I talked about in my discussion with John Lee Dumas, what you focus on expands. One of these kids just got back from Australia, which was ironic because I had Australia on my mind earlier in the day. He suggested that rather than going to Australia in late December, as I had originally planned, I could instead go in late January of 2016. The traveling will be less hectic and I could also experience Australia Day on January 26th.

You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are. When you are authentically yourself, you will in return attract authentic people to you.

Go Abroad!

The last conversation I want to share with you is with a firefighter in Boston named Peyton originally from Connecticut. He told me how his mom just got let go from her teaching job after 35 years on the job.

“She’s looking for a new job in the area,” Peyton said, “but I’m doing my best to convince her to leave the country, retire, and live somewhere where her money is worth more than it would ever be worth here in the States.”

“I could not possibly agree with you more,” I said with a smile. “I’m all about that.”

Mountaintop

The topic of moving abroad led us to having a heart-to-heart conversation on ideas brought to our attention by Tim Ferriss (we both read The 4-hour Workweek). Essentially, Ferriss talks about the value of detaching from email, outsourcing, valuing time more than money, and NOT waiting until the end of your life to retire; instead, take mini-retirements throughout your life. We discussed all of this in great depth and what it takes to be a leader.

“I’m going to walk away from a $120,000 salary as a firefighter in Boston and move to Costa Rica,” Peyton said, “after my wife pays down her debt…which won’t happen tomorrow, but will be relatively soon. Because there’s no sense in waiting until the end to enjoy life.”

Peyton and I are both all about hard work and delayed gratification – in fact, hard work is the very thing that will enable you to free up your time. For the record, I have a great job and I will stay with it. We are just saying to keep your eye on the prize and don’t forget that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. An incredible number of people get lost in the rat race forever, forgetting the very reason why they’re working in the first place.

I didn’t walk out of that bar with a cute girl hanging off of my arm. But I did walk out a more fulfilled human being.

Put Yourself Out There

I’m no better or smarter than anyone else. Other than my ability to speak effortlessly to large groups of people, I’m really not that talented of a person. But one of the things I do well is continually put myself out there. When you put yourself out there, you make new friends and genuine connections. When you put yourself out there, life gets exciting again and you connect with the magic of each moment. When you put yourself out there, you come alive and feel great about yourself.

I mentioned earlier that it’s not like I go to bars all the time, but I do put myself out there all the time in other ways – networking events, mastermind groups, social outings, meeting friends for coffee, lunch, and dinner, etc. There are so many different ways to put yourself out there and when you do, you are enriched in more ways than one. Find your own balance and don’t overextend yourself, but also don’t be afraid to get out there and make new connections, even if it means going out by yourself like I did last night.

I’ve traveled the world and I’m used to interacting with lots of people in different situations and settings. But there are a lot of people out there who struggle to meet new people. Be kind and welcoming to others, whether you are introducing yourself or someone is introducing themselves to you. Don’t approach life with the clique mentality that narrow-minded people posses. Be open to new possibilities and meeting new people. Reduce your judgments of others and just be yourself.

Feeling burned out? Tired, stressed out, and frustrated? Your solution might be to put yourself out there. As my buddy Peyton said, “you gotta be constantly meeting new people.”