The Human Resources Guy Who Was a Criminal

A Tough Yet Enlightening Encounter With a Strange Human Resources Guy

“I don’t like you,” I said to the HR guy at the place where I was contracting, with everyone in the office listening.

Over the year I worked with this guy, he lobbed many insults and disrespectful comments at me and others in the office. He thinks he’s above others, and he used his position to make people’s lives harder.

I finally snapped. No one is perfect (I know I’m certainly not), and it wasn’t my finest moment. I also broke my own rule, which is to praise in public and criticize in private (as I mentioned above, the entire office heard the conversation):

“Do you think you’re tough?” I asked the HR guy quite bluntly.

“Yeah, I do,” he said, in his typical demeaning, condescending tone and attitude.

“You’re not tough,” I said. “You think you’re tough, but you’re not. You wear a mask.”

For the first time in the year I worked with this guy, he was speechless. He was used to bullying others without anyone saying something back to him.

This was difficult and scary for me to say to him. Standing up for myself has been a lifelong struggle, and dealing with people like this HR guy brings back some old scars from when I was bullied earlier on in my life (those are my own wounds that I’m responsible for healing).

I’m proud of myself for standing up for myself. At the same time, I took it a step too far (as I’ve been known to do, as I’ve sworn in the workplace a couple of times in the past that got me in trouble).

I didn’t swear at him, but I did stoop to his level, as I insulted him.

The HR guy is a part of a biker club. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, and I mean that sincerely. I’d also like to point out that “Sons of Anarchy” is one of my all-time favorite shows, which details the life of a biker club.

A year of his insults and demeaning remarks boiled up inside me. I was just so done with this guy. Again, not my finest moment.

“You’re a gang member,” I said to him. “You’re a gang member who enjoys beating people up and shooting people.”

His face contorted into an angry expression…I clearly pissed him off.

He’s a member of a biker club, yes. He’s not a good guy, true. But he’s not beating people up or shooting people. I verbally jabbed him the same way he had been verbally jabbing me all year. I went below the belt here, and I stooped to his level. It was a mistake.

To be clear: I’m glad I stood up to him. I’m saying I took it too far. I crossed the line because he crossed the line, a mistake I’ve made many times in my life. I should have known better. I take responsibility for this. I’m aware that when I stand up for myself I sometimes say things I don’t really mean, and it’s embarrassing. I’m working on it.

Well, it turns out this HR guy was stealing money from the company. He changed his salary in the system to a fake higher salary so that he could get paid more each month. This went on for a long time before anyone found out.

This HR guy is a corrupt criminal.

Don’t let bad people bring you down into the mud.

How to Deal With Difficult People in the Workplace

When dealing with difficult people in the workplace, there’s a fine line and a delicate balance: it’s important to stand up for yourself, and at the same time it’s crucial to not stoop to their level. Here are some things to keep in mind when dealing with jerks like this nutty HR guy I unfortunately had the displeasure of working with:

1. Talk to others about what you’re experiencing. Venting about someone is not gossiping. You are sharing with others your experience with a difficult colleague not to hurt that misguided colleague, but rather to care for yourself. When dealing with this HR guy, I spoke to my colleagues in private about what a jerk this guy was. I said to one of my colleagues, “I don’t like the HR guy” and my colleague responded, “No one does.” Also, when feeling a bit frustrated one day after work, I messaged a friend on WhatsApp and found his words to be helpful.
2. Remind yourself of your worth. If you’re anything like me, reminders are extremely helpful. Sometimes we get so caught up in someone else’s toxic dysfunction that we forget the wonderful person we are. The truth is you are a good person with values and integrity. Someone else’s behavior says more about them than it does about you.
3. Go to your boss, your boss’s boss, or even the CEO. I’m all for resolving something with someone directly, but when you encounter rude, toxic, dysfunctional, immature people, sometimes a one-on-one resolution is simply not possible. If you are encountering an asshole like this HR guy I dealt with, keep your cool and then call a private meeting with someone you report to. If your boss isn’t responsive, go to your boss’s boss or even the CEO. When dealing with the worst boss I’ve ever had (at a different company than the one I worked at with this HR person), I had to go to the CEO about my bad boss. I was open and honest, and the CEO turned out to be supportive of me. I also went to the CEO at the company in this story about the HR guy, and the CEO mentioned that many at the company were having challenges with the childish behavior of the HR guy.
4. Leave the company. Let’s say the entire organization you’re in is thoroughly toxic, all the way to the core. You don’t know who to trust or talk to, and no one seems to really care or support you. Sadly, there are plenty of companies out there like this. If you’ve tried everything you can think of, you may need to leave the organization. You can leave “quietly” by looking for a job while still working there, or you can flat-out walk out on the spot if you have to. I’ll all for being the bigger person, and I’m also all for not taking someone’s crap. The point is, you have more options than you may have initially realized, and you aren’t obligated to tolerate dysfunction.
5. Seek legal action. If you are being bullied, discriminated against, harassed, threatened, or anything that you consider unacceptable, feel free to go to an employment lawyer as a last resort. I did this in 2020 when dealing with a Human Resources department that sent me demands and threats through email (a different company from the one I talked about in this post). They also discriminated against me and continuously disrespected me. I’m genuinely proud to say I won the legal battle. A company has no right to cross the line, and if they do you are well within your rights to take legal action.

This is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to dealing with difficult people in the workplace. Different methods are needed for different situations, and there’s no “one size fits all” approach. With the HR guy I told you about in the above story, I would have benefited from a more balanced reaction to his toxic behavior. But in some cases, it is appropriate to boldly stand up for yourself in any way needed to stop the abusive behavior from another. Trust your intuition and best judgment, ask people you trust for help, and seek to find the best solution for the particular situation you found yourself in.

I hope this helps – I’m always here to add genuine value through my stories, life experiences, and insights. Sending much love your way.

Jeff Davis is an award-winning author, most recently publishing The Power of Authentic Leadership: Activating the 13 Keys to Achieving Prosperity Through Authenticity. Connect with him on LinkedIn and follow him on Twitter. For three free books (The Power of Authentic Leadership, Reach Your Mountaintop, and Traveling Triumphs) in exchange for being added to his email list, email his Executive Assistant at meg@jeffdspeaks.com. Learn more about his story on his About page and feel free to check out his author page on Amazon. Also feel free to contact Jeff directly via jeff@jeffdspeaks.com. What Jeff does best is sharing his life experiences in a way that adds real value to others. Consider bringing him to speak as a mental health, authentic leadership, and/or resiliency expert at your next event.