A couple of leaders have given me the advice to “not take things personally”. In some way, this is good advice, but it’s more of a band-aid than a final solution. Telling someone to not take something personally doesn’t resolve the root cause of the situation, allowing the dysfunction to continue.
I realize this is nuanced in the sense that there are all sorts of different situations and circumstances. Sometimes, choosing to not taking something personally is an excellent strategy. In other cases, it only scratches the surface of what’s wrong within an organization and doesn’t help prevent future challenges.
The other challenge I have with someone telling me to not take things personally is that between the lines – maybe even unconsciously – there’s an implied feeling that I’m the problem. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but if I speak up because someone is disrespectful it doesn’t mean that I’m the problem – the person who is being rude and disrespectful is the one with the problem.
You don’t want to stand up for yourself constantly and sometimes it’s best to let things go, but there’s a balance here and people who lack self-awareness don’t seem to get this.
People like to dish out feedback and criticism, but they don’t like to receive it. I’ve encountered people who told me to “not take it personally” in regards to people’s bluntness turning into flat-out rudeness and disrespect. I’m direct and blunt back to those people who were blunt with me, and those same people can’t handle or take my directness. People don’t like the taste of their own medicine and are both hypocritical and unconscious.
The point here is that people want to make it seem like you’re the problem because that’s easier for them, and allows them to not have to confront their own flaws and issues. A lot of people are afraid of the truth. But that doesn’t mean you should back down. Keep sharing the truth. Keep being yourself. And remember that if someone makes it seem like you’re the problem, it might be more of a reflection of their dysfunction than it is of you.
Jeff Davis is an award-winning author, most recently publishing The Power of Authentic Leadership: Activating the 13 Keys to Achieving Prosperity Through Authenticity. He’s also an authentic leadership keynote speaker and Executive Coach to leaders and CEOs, offering individualized coaching. Follow him on Twitter.
Leave a Reply