Shatter Your Limiting Beliefs
I first met entrepreneur and speaker Kevin Laylor at the Fall 2016 District 18 Toastmasters Conference in Maryland. Although I now live elsewhere, I still go down to Maryland for District 18 Toastmasters Conferences because I have a large number of friends who are part of that group. After I graduated college, I lived in Baltimore for many years and made some amazing connections through Toastmasters and other organizations. I stayed in touch with many of these awesome, life-changing connections, and I enjoy seeing them throughout each year.
My heart-to-heart conversation with Kevin Laylor came at the perfect time for me. I was experiencing some challenges with my business and his inspiration and wisdom really spoke to me. It’s my hope that his words will speak to you as well.
“A lot of people walk around with limiting beliefs,” Kevin said. “I’m here to tell you that you can get rid of those limiting beliefs. For example, a lot of people claim to never have the time or money to start their own business. But they continue spending money on things they don’t really need. If you’re really serious about growing your business, move somewhere cheaper that costs you less. People have the belief that they need their apartment or home to be a certain size, but that’s limiting them.”
This is incredibly powerful. What Kevin is talking about is not buying into society’s belief system – the idea that you need to appear wealthy and successful to the outside world. Remember what Steve Scott said in the previous chapter? He’s wealthy, but he chooses to drive a beat-up car because he doesn’t care what other people think. Kevin is talking about the same thing. Don’t let the false belief that your worth as a person depends on how other people perceive you get in your way. Don’t let the limiting belief of needing to look cool to your friends stop you from doing the work you are really meant to do.
Apply Kevin’s wisdom and shatter your limiting beliefs. Get smart about your finances and adjust your living situation to accommodate your dream. If you are in your twenties and have at least a decent relationship with your parents, move back home. If you are in your thirties living on your own, consider downsizing or getting roommates. Sell your home if you have to. There are always options.
You might be thinking right now, This is great and I agree, but how do I go about shattering my limiting beliefs? I’m glad you asked. There are a few simple steps you can use to shatter your limiting beliefs, and you need to make sure you repeat these steps over time.
First, on a recording device of some sort like a camcorder, record yourself saying your new belief. Have classical music playing in the background while doing the recording, which will further ingrain your new beliefs into your subconscious mind. Then upload the recording to your computer and/or iPod and play it back to yourself several times a week, or whenever you get a chance during a given month.
What I’ll do is go on the Internet and find a hypnotic induction script of some kind, which allows me to fully relax when listening to it. That way when I do get to the suggestion/affirmation/new belief, my subconscious mind is ready to receive it. The first part of the recording is the hypnotic induction, and the second part is the new belief(s). Here are some suggested new beliefs to program into your mind through this process:
- I am worthy exactly as I am. My self-worth is independent of the external world.
- I create, attract, and maintain wealth. I do not need to appear wealthy to the outside world, knowing my true wealth is on the inside. My debts steadily decrease, and I spend my money responsibly.
- I lose weight. My weight loss happens naturally and easily. I am my ideal weight.
- I am confident and attractive. I am a Divine expression of life.
- I earn money living my dreams. I am a [your dream career/ profession].
You get the picture. You are only limited by your own creativity (shout-out to my friend Stuart Pink, an author and speaker, who talks about the importance of creativity and how to be more creative). I started doing these meditative scripts while I was in high school and college playing sports, and I’ve used them for everything from mastering social situations and losing weight, to becoming a paid professional speaker and bestselling author. Like anything else, this takes time, repetition, and practice. I realize this isn’t the sexy, quick-fix solution most of society wants, but real change takes time and effort. If it were easy, everyone would do it – that’s why so many people walk around their entire lives with limiting beliefs. But you’re not one of them.
Note: Earlier in this book, entrepreneur Suzanne Duret talked with us about not going overboard with vision boards and visualization. This section does not in any way contradict Suzanne’s insights – here, we are talking more about rewiring your internal workings more than we are talking about the need to obsess over achieving a particular result or exact goal. Yes, the process outlined here can be used for external goals, but the focus is on your internal beliefs. You only need to do this once a day, a few times a week, or even once a week/month. The point here is to give you a simple, practical process that will allow you to rewire your subconscious mind for the better, while you continue to take continuous action. When I say this process takes time, I’m referring to it as something you want to keep doing over many weeks and months, but keep in mind that the total amount of time you need to dedicate to the process each particular week is small.
Another tactic that has worked for a lot of people is to record your negative thoughts in a journal at the end of each day. You’d be amazed how often you will find yourself focusing on something negative. What this process allows you to do is to become aware of your negative thoughts so you can change and replace them. Don’t try to fight your negative thoughts; instead, become the alert witness and observer to your thought patterns and choose to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
Finally, write down a positive affirmation on a notecard and carry it with you in your wallet or purse. Show yourself the notecard affirmation several times a day. Consciously repeat the affirmation in your mind throughout the day, like on your lunch break and when you are in the bathroom. This may seem silly or inconsequential, but you’d be amazed at the power we hold in our conscious minds to shape and craft the way we think, feel, and act.
Leaders work on actively improving their limiting beliefs.
What You Focus on Expands
You’ve probably been hearing from people your whole life (starting with teachers in kindergarten and elementary school) that you need to focus on the positive. But, I know life isn’t always a positive and warm place (look at what happened, for example, to my mom’s students at Sandy Hook Elementary, my old elementary school). With that said, it’s important to know that what you focus on expands.
This book is about the power of authentic leadership, so I want to take you into a big mistake I’ve consistently made: I frequently focus on the negative instead of the positive. I was in New York City hanging out with my good friend Ashir Nelson, an entrepreneur and LinkedIn expert. I was telling him how it bothers me that all successful authors have some amount of negative reviews on Amazon.
“You’re focused on the wrong thing,” Ashir said to me. “You’re focused on the negative. These authors you are talking about are also making a huge difference in the lives of countless people. Stop focusing on the small amount of negative reviews they have and start focusing on the large amount of positive reviews they have.
“Let’s take all the people you’ve ever known. If you put into one group the people who like and support you, and you put into another group the people who really don’t like you, I guarantee the group of supporters will be MUCH bigger than the group of people who don’t like you.”
“You’re absolutely right,” I said to Ashir.
Remind yourself as often as you reasonably can that what you focus on expands, and the positive far outweighs the negative.
This is chapter 10 of The Power of Authentic Leadership: Activating the 13 Keys to Achieving Prosperity Through Authenticity.
