In 2015, I found myself nearly two years into a great job on the coastline of Connecticut as the lead digital analyst (I can proudly say I was promoted from digital analyst to lead digital analyst). Like all jobs, it had its ups and downs as well as its rough patches, but overall it was a fantastic role – the best job I’ve had up until that point in my life.
Through a recruiter, I ended up getting connected to a job opportunity based in Times Square, New York City. At surface value, it was an incredible career opportunity to become a manager, especially being that I was in my mid-twenties.
The allure was strong, and I interviewed there, but I didn’t hear anything back. I figured it wasn’t meant to be.
They then unexpectedly came back to me a few months later and were prepared to make me an offer. This time around, I took the driver’s seat and said no. To my surprise, the Vice President of the whole marketing department – a very chill dude, by the way – got on the phone with me and said, “Let’s make this work.”
He was willing to bump up the salary to near-six-figures, which was close to twice what I was making in the Branford, Connecticut job as a lead digital analyst. But it wasn’t just about money. I also wanted freedom. I asked about the possibility of working remotely from anywhere in the world, including Sydney, Australia. He said, “I’m ok with that. As long as you run it by the team as well, you can do it.”
In my mind this was a clear yes, because if the VP approved it, I could get the team’s approval fairly easily.
I took what he said seriously and ended up accepting the offer. I shared on Facebook how I got this incredible job that was going to allow me to work from anywhere in the world, and my friends congratulated me. I wasn’t celebrating too soon – the offer was official – but in retrospect, it was definitely not what it seemed…
Not What It Seemed
The reality of the commute was beyond a nightmare. I was living at home with my parents in Newtown, Connecticut and commuting to New York City via metro north. A 30-minute drive to the train station, a 1.5 to 2-hour train ride into Grand Central Terminal, and then a 15-minute walk to Times Square where I worked. My commute one-way was close to three hours. My plan was to eventually move closer to work.
The reality of the job didn’t feel like I was a “manager”. Yes, that was in my job title, but the junior employees frequently disrespected me by yelling at me, putting me down for no reason, and telling me what to do. It was quite dysfunctional.
One woman – who was lower than me in the hierarchy, but very much acted like my boss – came over to my desk and yelled at me about something I wasn’t doing right. Not only was I still new to the job, but there was no actual urgency to the task. She made it up in her mind that there was incredible urgency, but I can tell you with certainty there really wasn’t.
She wasn’t my boss or even one of my peers in terms of job level. I definitely don’t care about hierarchy and I view others as my equal, but the way she was treating me didn’t make any sense.
I was actually pretty calm while she was yelling at me. I was impressed with myself because this was a situation where it would have been warranted to speak my mind and stand up for myself, but I let her be as she was as I sat there and nodded.
Work doesn’t have to be crazy, frantic, hectic, and stressful. People choose to make it that way based on their mindset, attitude, and the way they approach their day-to-day tasks.
For the record: I completely get that when you first start a job, you’re not going to necessarily jump right into managing people while you’re getting to know the ropes. I also get that sometimes, when under pressure for particular deadlines, work can get a little stressful. But this was downright ridiculous and dysfunctional. Things like this need to be the exception, not the norm, and here it was the norm.
After my colleague yelled at me and walked away, a guy sitting across from me gave me an understanding, compassionate, empathetic look. His look said a thousand words. Later I spoke to him and he said, “Yeah, that was messed up the way she treated you and completely unnecessary. Some people never learn.”
When he said, “some people never learn”, it resonated in my psyche. Some people never learn it’s not OK to treat people like crap.
I sent an email to my two bosses calmly describing what happened. I didn’t go to the woman directly because she wasn’t reasonable and not the kind of person you can have a civil conversation with. To my surprise my bosses sided with me and spoke to the woman about her behavior. She ended up disliking me for getting her in trouble, but that’s her problem, not mine – she brought it on herself with her own behavior.
Another Colleague Treating Me Poorly
Another colleague treated me poorly – not as badly as the woman I just told you about, but still pretty badly. We were working together in a good way for a while, and then he unexpectedly got frustrated with me for not knowing how to do something in excel (I’ll soon talk about how the job wasn’t what I signed up for and nothing like they said it would be in the interview).
This wasn’t normal frustration that we all have at times – he was very upset that I didn’t know how to do it and he blew off my attempts to re-align with him. Again, ridiculous stuff.
In this situation, I spoke about it face-to-face with one of my bosses. He said with a smile, “Don’t take it personally.”
He meant well – and it wasn’t the worst advice I’ve ever received – but I didn’t like this advice because it was allowing the dysfunction to continue while not addressing the root cause. I’m not saying he should have scolded my colleague for being imperfect, but there are healthier ways to address the situation in a way that prevents future misunderstandings.
The better approach would be to put both of us in a room with some kind of moderator and figure out a way to effectively maximize the collaboration.
Contrary to what some leaders believe, “Don’t take it personally” is not a solution to the problem. It’s only a surface-level band-aid. The job of the leader is to go into the depth and resolve the root cause.
Not Matching the Job Description
In addition to the strange behavior from several of my colleagues who treated me like crap, I found the job to be nothing like they described it in the interview. This is one of the common threads throughout this book: encouraging companies to more effectively live their values by not bullshitting people in the interviews.
No exaggeration: the entire job was non-stop reporting in excel. That’s it. The whole job. They basically needed me to be an excel whiz. I knew excel and had experience with it, no doubt, but it definitely wasn’t my top skill.
Here’s what I don’t understand and what I don’t appreciate: excel never once came up in the interview. Excessive reporting didn’t come up either. In the interview, all we discussed is my experience in digital marketing: specifically, how I have a lot of experience in Google Analytics and Google AdWords.
Nearly every job requires some degree of reporting, but for the entire job to be reporting is not what I signed up for. My job title was that I was the “Search & Social Manager”, not the “Reporting Manager”. But my job title was a lie.
I did my best to say that I could offer value in other ways than just reporting, but they didn’t take that seriously and left me doing the same thing day in and day out.
Walking Out
Dysfunctional coworkers + a very crappy job + nearly six hours of commuting one way = time to go!
The day after taking a day off, I decided I had enough. I felt like I was Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption finally breaking free from imprisonment. My intention was to talk to my bosses in person, but by chance they either weren’t in or unavailable. I sent a respectful email to three of my bosses (three people higher in the hierarchy than me), two who were out of the office and one who was unavailable. I then packed my belongings and walked out.
I usually don’t advise walking out of a company on the spot, as I’m not a fan of burning bridges. However, there are some situations where enough is enough and this was one of them.
Be professional, but up to a limit. Don’t be afraid to walk out. You’re not a prisoner and you always have a choice. Depending on your life situation walking out of a job on the spot may not be the best choice, but I want you to know that you always have that option. Companies are allowed to fire you and ask you to leave on the spot. It’s a two-way street: you also have the freedom to leave on the spot if the situation is beyond repairable and completely messed up.
Prevention
The VP guy who I spoke to on the phone before I started working this job, for the record, had a good vibe and wasn’t a bad guy. He was open to possibilities and solutions, which I really liked. With that said, I could have been more proactive about really checking out this company in New York City before starting there – a mistake I’ve made more than once.
Had I asked for a “shadow day” of some sort where I spent a few hours, half a day, a day, or even a couple of days shadowing in the office, this may have given me a better feel of what the company is really like. I may have still been fooled, but it would have been better than going in there without any feel of the day-to-day.
Also, the VP guy never came and spoke to me when I started working there. This was someone who I only knew through phone conversations beforehand – I never met him in the interview process. Had he come over and spoken to me, that would have made a positive difference. I’m a proactive person and set up a chat with him, so I did end up speaking with him after working there for a while. But that only happened because I set it up.
I’m not saying he owed me anything; I wasn’t offended in any way. I’m just saying that the best leaders personalize an employee’s experience and really get to know them.
Also: I could have read more of the Glassdoor reviews beforehand. After I left there, I read a Glassdoor review about how this company in New York City promises you a big “career”, but the reality of working there is nothing like they make it seem. This was exactly, to a tee, my experience there, and had I read this perhaps I would have been more careful about joining the company.
Finally, one woman I interviewed with – who was the Director of the group I ended up joining – asked me all about my Google AdWords and Google Analytics experience. This led me to believe I would be using these skills in some way in the job. I also like working in Google AdWords and Google Analytics, which led me to believe that the job would be somewhat tolerable (no job is perfect, but it’s always a good thing when it doesn’t make you completely miserable).
As mentioned earlier in this chapter, I didn’t once – not one time – use my knowledge in Google AdWords and Google Analytics on the job. The job was working in excel 100% of the time, and it was a job I could have done with zero experience in digital marketing. The Director woman could have done a much better job of being truthful about the job I was going to be doing.
Why grill me about my AdWords/Analytics knowledge if I don’t need that skill to do the job? If the goal is to make sure I have one set of skills to show that I’ve “earned” a manager-level role, then be open and honest about that. She made it seem like the job would utilize my strong background in digital marketing and Google tools.
After interviewing with her on a Friday, she said to me, “Thank God it’s Friday.” It’s normal to like Fridays, but in retrospect she was miserable in her job and that was a red flag. Stay on the lookout for little red flags like these when you’re interviewing.
Address and Solve
Here are some things to address and solve situations like these after shit hits the fan:
- When your employees start at your company, make them feel welcome. Take them out to lunch on their first day. Invite them out after work. Be helpful and kind to them.
- Don’t tolerate employees who treat other employees like crap. It’s OK to be blunt, and it’s ok to express frustration in healthy ways, but it’s not ok to demean others in the workplace. Confront people who do this, coach them, and ask them to adjust their behavior. If they don’t change, fire them.
- If there was some sort of misalignment where the employee doesn’t feel like they’re doing the job they signed up for, talk to them and find out why. Get to the root cause of the situation. Put them in touch with a company leader who has the power to pull strings and perhaps put them in a better job – or at the very least, change their job situation in some way. It’s much better than having good talent leave your company.
Actions
- Don’t chase after career and/or money. Look at all aspects of the company you’re joining, including culture, work/life balance, and the way they treat their employees.
- Research the company you’re joining thoroughly beforehand.
- Ask to do a “shadow” day.
- Never be afraid to walk out of somewhere if you need/have to. You always have a choice and you’re not a slave.
Jeff Davis is an award-winning author, most recently publishing The Power of Authentic Leadership: Activating the 13 Keys to Achieving Prosperity Through Authenticity. Connect with him on LinkedIn and follow him on Twitter. For three free books (The Power of Authentic Leadership, Reach Your Mountaintop, and Traveling Triumphs) in exchange for being added to his email list, email his Executive Assistant at meg@jeffdspeaks.com. Learn more about his story on his About page and feel free to check out his author page on Amazon.
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