Authentic Leaders Look for Solutions
Let’s now feature input from leadership expert, speaker, and author Heather Hansen O’Neill, who I was chatting with recently at the Newtown diner and featured on my YouTube channel:
“All leadership starts with a sense of self-leadership,” Heather said. “It’s important to live these principles yourself. It’s an ability to believe in something, doing it for the right reasons. You must also come across as authentic and be persistent with your efforts.
“Have leadership over your own emotions. When you know you have a passion which will help people and impact the world, then you know you’re doing the right thing, and you’ll continue doing the right thing. And like I said, Jeff, you live it,” Heather was kind enough to emphasize.
“Wow, that is very powerful,” I said. “When it comes to harnessing your emotions and dealing with challenges, are there any tricks you share with others to help them overcome that?”
“Yes, when dealing with challenges,” Heather said, “the ability to be quiet is very important. When we have challenges we often have a lot of internal resistance. The ability to sit with that feeling and then transition through it quickly so you can see what the end result could be is very helpful. See if you can figure out what the potential of the situation is and what some of the solutions are.
“Shift your focus by becoming quiet and reducing the internal chaos,” Heather continued. “Take the time to see what the possibilities are. Ask yourself: what could be a potential solution to this challenge? Everyone has a situation where they went through a challenge years ago, and they look back at it and go wow, I learned this strength, and it made me a better person. Make that leap in your head: I know I’m going to feel this way at some point, so why not feel this way right now? If you can go through it now, it will be hugely beneficial.”
Heather’s words are amazing, to say the least. I love her input here because she hits on a crucial theme of this book: reaching your Mountaintop is nothing more than applying small, practical kernels of wisdom in each present moment. If you don’t apply anything, your life won’t improve. Start with one small thing – just make sure you start. That’s why the best leaders on the planet are the ones who fully embody their own messages.
I’ve taken it upon myself to live what I’m teaching here, as have all of these experts. By no means am I perfect and I continue to make mistakes, but I’ve been in the trenches and understand the struggle. It took me more than two decades to learn this. You must find a way to put your knowledge into real action.
If you’re not failing and facing rejection every now and then, you’re not putting into action what you know.
Here’s a great example, speaking directly from my own experience: social media. We all have strengths and weaknesses and while one of my strengths is public speaking, one of my weaknesses is social media. I love being face-to-face with people and seeing their reactions to my messages. The thought of putting something up on the internet without seeing someone’s immediate reaction scared me. I especially felt anxiety when no one liked or commented on a particular post.
What I did is I kept on using social media even though it made me feel uncomfortable, because I knew my message could reach more people by sharing it online. I had to get used to the fact that not everyone will always engage with my posts. Some of my Facebook posts got lots of likes, and other posts got little to no likes. Some of my tweets got favorites, retweets, and comments, and other tweets got no response.
The point here is that some of my posts failed – they got little to no engagement. What I learned to do is rather than get hung up on the results of a single post, it’s best to put your content out there continuously. This risks failure, but holds the possibility of helping someone and/or achieving your goal. You must become comfortable with taking risks in order to get what you want and make a real difference in the world.
I turned a weakness into a strength by failing my way to success. Some weeks my posts failed, but other weeks my posts succeeded. It was through the posts that got no engagement that I learned the value of persistence, maintaining an even-keel, and pushing forward. I also realized that even if a post gets no engagement, it still could have made a positive impact (sometimes people who don’t like or comment on any of my posts message me saying they love the content I post).
Now my social media posts get more engagement than they did previously. This doesn’t mean I’m an expert at social media, but it does mean I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. I’m maintaining a beginner’s mindset and continually shifting my strategy to make more of a positive impact in people’s lives. By facing the fear of rejection and continually learning from my mistakes, I was able to connect with more people. You can do this too.
Another quick example is making a sale. Every rejection and “no” is one step closer to a victory and “yes.” The best salespeople are the ones who encounter the most rejection because they are putting themselves out there the most.
If J.K. Rowling let failure and rejection stop her, we wouldn’t have the iconic world-renowned Harry Potter series. Rejection is a good thing, not a bad thing, because it means you are putting yourself out there and moving forward. Leaders are scared of failure and rejection like everyone else, but they don’t let the fear stop them from putting themselves out there anyways.
This is an excerpt from Chapter 4 of the award-winning book Reach Your Mountaintop: 10 Keys to Finding the Hidden Opportunity in Your Setbacks, Flipping What You’ve Heard on Its Head, and Achieving Legendary Goals.
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