How to Deal With a Rude Business Owner

It’s one thing if your usual colleague disrespects you. But when you’re dealing with a rude business owner (or someone who is high up in the company, like a CEO or executive), it’s a whole different ballgame.

You may feel like standing up to the business owner will put your job in jeopardy. But if you don’t say anything, you’re left feeling resentful and frustrated. I understand this conundrum.

I’d like to share with you some ways to deal with a rude business owner.

Dealing With a Rude Business Owner

Here are some tips to consider keeping in mind when you’re dealing with a rude business owner:

• Express yourself and then let it go. You weren’t hired to stay silent in difficult situations, including emotional situations. You were hired to share your expertise and insights, including with the business owner. When a business owner is rude to you, respectfully express your feelings to the business owner and then let it go. If possible, do this in a private conversation with them. With that said, don’t expect the business owner or situation to immediately change. While you may be figuring things out, so is the business owner. Expressing yourself will get it off your chest and sometimes cause the business owner to respect you even more. Some people act afraid, scared, and fake in front of people they perceive to have power, and it’s possible a business owner will find your honesty and realness refreshing and helpful.
• Seek to understand why. The business owner is a human being and person just like you, with strengths and weaknesses. While they have power at your company, they are subject to all the flaws and foibles that everyone else has. Instead of immediately assuming the business owner is a bad person, seek to understand why the business owner is acting this way. Is it just a really bad day for them? Are they dealing with something difficult in their private life? Are they frustrated with a problem in the business? Or is this behavior a recurring pattern for the business owner?
• Talk to your colleagues about it. When you talk to your colleagues about the behavior of the business owner, it helps to take the situation less personally. I’m not talking about gossip here. I’m talking about venting with non-malicious intent. (There’s a difference.) If talking to the business owner directly does not seem to fit the situation, talking to your colleagues can help you to investigate. Maybe this business owner is known to be a very kind person, and you just caught them at the tail end of a horrible day. Or maybe this is the true colors of the business owner. Talking to your colleagues helps to understand other people’s experience with the business owner, identify patterns, and see potential causes.
• Go to Human Resources, your boss, or someone who can help. Just because someone owns the business doesn’t give them a right to treat other people like trash. If someone is consistently disrespecting others, even if it’s the business owner, the behavior needs to be addressed. Go to Human Resources, your boss, or someone else who can hear your concerns and do something about it.
• Quit the company. If all else fails, quit the company. Sometimes the entire ecosystem of the company is toxic. A business owner who is a jerk can create a culture of jerks, and people in these environments may not take your concerns and feelings seriously. If you feel like you are continuously getting disrespected by the business owner and nothing is changing despite various efforts, it may be time to find somewhere new to work.

I emphasize the importance of trusting your intuition and best judgment here. There are times when expressing yourself to the business owner would be a liberating move. There are other times when venting your colleagues would be the best approach. Sometimes it’s a mixture of multiple strategies. There’s often not a single solution to these kinds of things. Be patient with yourself, take time to understand what’s really going on (including looking at root causes), and then have the courage to act.

An Example of an Evil and Disrespectful Business Owner

At one company I worked for, I had a minor challenge one day.

Going back to my desk, I happened to run into the owner of the company. Perhaps she saw it on my face – she asked if everything was OK.

I very briefly shared with her the challenge. This exchange with the owner lasted for less than two minutes, and I said no more than a few sentences.

In my experience of the situation, I wasn’t overly upset or anything like that – I had a brief moment of frustration, the owner saw me in that brief moment, and I shared it with her.

A few days later, in a meeting with company leaders, the owner publicly humiliated me.

Seemingly out of nowhere, she shared with everyone how I came across as so incredibly upset. She then sarcastically and demeaningly gave me some advice in front of everyone.

While I acknowledge her experience of the situation, it didn’t match my experience of the situation. I hadn’t raised my voice and I stayed even-keeled – all I did was very briefly share with her something because I thought she cared.

If she had a problem with me, I would have appreciated her coming to me directly instead of unexpectedly bringing it up at a meeting in front of other company leaders.

I talked to some of my colleagues and they had a similar experience with this owner. One of my colleagues called her the “Devil”.

The point is, some evil people in the workplace will use your vulnerability against you.

When I give speeches to companies about authenticity in the workplace, I like to share both sides of the argument – both the power of authenticity in the workplace, as well as how it can backfire (like how it backfired on me with this bad owner I had the displeasure of working with).

It’s important to share and be open. With that said, be sure to share with the right people. Just because someone checks in and asks how you’re doing doesn’t mean they have your best interests at heart.

While there’s no way I could have predicted that the owner would react this way to me sharing what was nothing more than a minor frustration, I learned a lot from the experience. I learned that some people are rotten in their hearts. They have no empathy, and they’ll use your vulnerabilities against you. This owner really embarrassed the heck out of me in that meeting, sharing with everyone something I had told her in confidence.

Authenticity in the workplace and dealing with a difficult business owner is about sharing in the right way, at the right time, and with the right people. While there are some awesome people out there who will help you, be aware of the people who are looking to hurt you.

That owner was a very poor leader, that’s for sure. Leaders are supposed to inspire others, not demotivate them.

In this experience, I discovered that this business owner was known to be a disrespectful person. Talking to my colleagues helped me to feel less alone and see this business owner’s true colors. I ended up finding somewhere else to work, as this business owner was not someone worth working for and not someone who could be trusted.

What is your experience dealing with rudeness from business owners and people in positions of power in your company? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Jeff Davis is an award-winning author, most recently publishing The Power of Authentic Leadership: Activating the 13 Keys to Achieving Prosperity Through Authenticity. Connect with him on LinkedIn and follow him on Twitter. For three free books (The Power of Authentic Leadership, Reach Your Mountaintop, and Traveling Triumphs) in exchange for being added to his email list, email his Executive Assistant at meg@jeffdspeaks.com. Learn more about his story on his About page and feel free to check out his author page on Amazon. Also feel free to contact Jeff directly via jeff@jeffdspeaks.com. What Jeff does best is sharing his work experiences in a way that adds real value to others. Consider bringing him to speak as a mental health, authentic leadership, and/or resiliency expert at your next event. He’s also available as an Executive Coach.