I spent two years working part-time at a company in The Hague, Netherlands, which afforded me the opportunity to decompress from a lifetime of never-ending stress and to heal from burnout. In The Netherlands it’s standard practice to offer only a one-year contract (or less) when starting a new role. So, the fact that the CEO extended my contract for a second year showed that he liked me and was pleased with my performance. Since I’m sharing a lot of bad experiences in this book, it’s worth mentioning a positive one, too.
After this two-year stint, the CEO helped me land a job offer with a dynamic company focused on climate change initiatives. I aligned with the company’s mission and, after a thorough interview process, happily joined.
Unfortunately, the CEO of this climate change awareness company turned out to be quite disgruntled. She often yelled at the team, creating a tense and anxious environment. One of my colleagues consistently worked late into the night—sometimes pulling all-nighter—and still faced criticism from the CEO for not doing enough.
After seven business days at the company, on the morning of the eighth, I sent a respectful resignation email and walked out on the spot. The CEO said she respected my decisiveness, and I even referred a third-party vendor to help their company succeed. This experience taught me that choosing yourself and taking bold actions doesn’t have to mean burning bridges or creating hard feelings. Acting like an adult almost always works out in your favor. The shit shows often happen due to dealing with adults who are emotional children. And their lack of maturity is not your fault.
It became clear: it was time to move back to America. The Dutch business world simply wasn’t working for me anymore.
Another Job, Another Shit Show
I took a job as part of my move back to America while doing all the other stuff I do.
At the end of the second week, while giving a strategy presentation, I got into a big argument with the CEO Bob (name changed to protect his privacy). The other executive’s eyes went wide in the room, as no one really stands up to this jerk Bob.
After that huge argument in front of everyone, Bob invites me out to drinks (one on one). Conversation went well at the bar, so everything seemed fine.
The CEO was a tyrant, yelling at others, but he never really yelled at me.
Allow me to introduce the Founder, named Tim (name changed to protect his privacy). I work in the same office room as Tim, sitting across from him.
So, let’s fast forward to the end of December 2023, and Tim says, “Jeff, you’ve really succeeded in your role.”
The challenge is that the CEO doesn’t realize that the Founder is really the one “pulling the strings”, so the CEO craps on the team even when the Founder is the one accountable. The Founder gets away with everything because he’s the Founder.
The CEO Bob then made a statement, “You can never, ever go over budget.” So, I followed that clear directive. But the Founder, making up his own rules, and answering to no one (the Founder sits at the head of the Board), decides we can go over budget. Tim the Founder then proceeds to get mad at me for staying within budget.
I then got pulled into an Executive team meeting and the CEO, the Founder, and two other Executives all blamed me for NOT going over budget, saying that I was wrong to listen to the CEO Bob when Bob said, “You can never, ever go over budget.” They said I should have magically known that it was OK to disobey Bob’s direct orders.
I proceeded to argue with the Founder in front of the CEO and the other Executives, fed up with this man.
“You’re crazy, Jeff,” the Founder said to me.
“Yeah,” the CEO Bob chimed in. “Jeff, you should have known that it’s OK to go over budget. You take things way too literally.”
I asked the team if they thought I took it too literally and they all said no, I didn’t take it too literally—the CEO’s instructions were clear that we absolutely couldn’t go over budget.
The morning before the meeting where I got crapped on, I had resigned with a two-week notice. But two days later, I was so fed up and had enough…so I sent an email to the Founder Tim and the CEO Bob, copying in HR, a Board Member, the Executives, the Managers, and many colleagues, and I respectfully typed an email saying that I couldn’t function anymore in this working environment. I said that I wasn’t angry, resentful, or emotional, but simply had to leave on the spot for my own self-protection and peace of mind.
The Founder is the root cause, but no one ever confronts him, because he’s the Founder. The CEO has no empathy and could be considered a narcissist. Both of them are bad leaders.
After I sent the email many colleagues said to me, “Jeff, you’ve got some guts, man.” I’m also getting handwritten letters in the mail from colleagues thanking me.
Reflecting on the Experience
In transparency, being scapegoated by the Founder and CEO did trigger me based on being the scapegoat of my family due to the abuse of my father. With that said, it doesn’t make what they were doing right, and it was a repeated pattern.
They were chewing people up and spitting them out! First it was my boss’s boss, then my boss, then me, and I wasn’t having it. I could have tolerated more, but I had enough self-esteem and self-respect to draw a line in the sand that said, “Enough is enough.”
It’s also worth pointing out that I’ve been in toxic environments like this before and I have stuck it out for one reason or another. In this case, I was lucky and blessed enough to have another role lined up. I was desperate to get out of this awful company and the company I interviewed for in Tampa Bay was desperate to hire someone with my skills, so it was an alignment of needs.
I’m not saying you need a job lined up to walk out on the spot, but rather that each person’s needs and best course of action are specific to their circumstances.
Sending that email to the leaders and my colleagues wasn’t just for me: It was for everyone else in that environment who was struggling but afraid to speak up about it.
That’s the power in speaking up: you’re helping so many people around you, often those you may not even be aware of.
We’ve talked about some HR horror stories, so it’s worth noting: the HR Director at this company was fantastic and a genuinely phenomenal person. She understood my perspective, showed me empathy, and said she was going to keep fighting to make things better. A former cop, she was real, unlike the typical HR bullshit artist. Not everyone is evil and there are good people out there.
Jeff Davis is an award-winning author, most recently publishing The Power of Authentic Leadership: Activating the 13 Keys to Achieving Prosperity Through Authenticity. Connect with him on LinkedIn and subscribe to his YouTube channel. For three free books (The Power of Authentic Leadership, Reach Your Mountaintop, and Traveling Triumphs) in exchange for being added to his email list, email his Executive Assistant at meg@jeffdspeaks.com. Learn more about his story on his About page and feel free to check out his author page on Amazon. Also feel free to contact Jeff directly via jeff@jeffdspeaks.com. What Jeff does best is sharing his work experiences in a way that adds real value to others. Consider bringing him to speak as a mental health, authentic leadership, resiliency, and/or workplace culture expert at your next event. He’s also available as an Executive Coach. His new book The Courage to Leave: Breaking Free from Toxic Workplaces launches on April 18th.
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