My face-to-face meeting with Steve Scott happened on St. Patrick’s Day, Friday, March 17th, 2017, at a Starbucks in Paramus, New Jersey. He’s a successful author and entrepreneur, his content is excellent, and he’s an all-around awesome guy.
Go All-In
“You’ve achieved a high level of success as an author,” I said to Steve. “Tell me more about your story and how you got to where you are.”
“I was in the military from 1999 to 2001,” Steve said. “I was frequently on guard duty, and I had absolutely no control over my schedule. I would literally be thrown in jail if I quit, and I didn’t like the lack of freedom. After the military, I worked a 9-to-5 job. The job was okay, but I didn’t like the lack of freedom there either. It was the desire for freedom that got me started on my entrepreneurial journey.
“From 2003 to 2005 I made a lot of dumb mistakes, and my business went nowhere. In 2006 I realized that if I really wanted control of my life, I was going to have to get to know the ropes of business much better. That’s when I really got serious.”
“At what point did you start doing your business full-time, stepping away from the job you had?” I asked. “And how did you fund your ventures; did you save a lot of money while working?”
“In 2005 I took the plunge,” Steve said. “I used credit cards to fund it. I don’t recommend others doing this, but it did fund my ventures while I was getting started. I was focusing on affiliate marketing.”
“I used credit cards to fund a lot of my initial costs as well,” I said.
“Yeah, I’m out of debt now, and I’ve been out of debt for many years,” Steve said. “But it did help me get off the ground.”
Before we move further, let me share with you something important: Although credit cards did work for Steve and me, please use them at your own discretion. We are NOT suggesting for you to go into credit card debt; we are simply being transparent and open about our journeys. Credit card debt is dangerous and can be difficult to get out of, so our recommendation to you is to be smarter than Steve and me by doing your best to pay for things with cash and be careful with every expenditure. Credit cards are useful as a last resort option when you need to eat (or something of that sort), but focus on staying debt-free as much as possible. If you choose to go into debt, make sure it’s a calculated and well- planned risk.
This may mean that instead of diving blindly and head first into a venture, you grow it slowly while you have other income (as Evan talked about in the previous chapter). Achieving success is not about being reckless and impulsive, but rather smart and strategic.
“You talked about really not liking the lack of freedom,” I said to Steve, “and I know many feel the same way. You also mentioned getting really serious about learning the ins and outs of business. I’m wondering, in addition to this, did you have a specific turning point or was it more a general process over time?”
“Yeah, my turning point was when I got out of a terrible relationship,” Steve said, “and I went to Europe to travel. The businesses I had up to that point were okay, but I didn’t put my all into them; I didn’t go all-in. While traveling Europe, I made a promise to myself. This was one of those promises you 100% keep no matter what. I promised myself that with the next good business opportunity that arises, I’d go all-in. In the past, I had good ideas but never pursued them fully. For example, I dumped an email list I had created. I also got rid of several businesses that had potential to turn into big things, but I didn’t stick with them. I was always pushing off businesses.
“When I got back from Europe, a new business opportunity did arise. I remembered the promise I made to myself and this time I ran with it. I went all-in – and I became successful doing it.”
This is huge and a core realization of creating prosperity for yourself through authenticity: Stop making half-hearted attempts at your business, your relationships, and your life. Go all-in. When you make the inner decision to go all-in, you automatically increase your chances of succeeding by allowing yourself to tap into the core of who you are. Your innate genius and authenticity emerge when you truly go all-in.
Stop Giving a F*ck What People Think
“You are an authentic guy,” I said. “What is the key to taking off the mask and truly being yourself in a world that is constantly trying to get us to be like someone else?”
“First, it’s having and developing faith in your own intuition,” Steve said. “Second, it’s finding happiness within yourself, not the outside world. Third, it’s not giving a fuck what other people think.”
I laughed.
“Love it,” I said. “Can I write it in the book exactly as you said it just now?”
“Yes,” Steve said. “There’s really no better way to put it. I’m in my forties now, and I really don’t care what other people think. When I was your age, in my late twenties and early thirties, I did care what other people thought. But not anymore. I drive a crappy, beat-up car. I enjoy spending time with people I care about. And I don’t need to buy the latest iPhone.”
Steve’s authenticity really shines through here, and what he said is so powerful it bears reiterating: he values people over things; he’s not obsessed with having to have the latest gadgets and technological advances; and he’s transparent, freely admitting that he truly doesn’t care what other people think.
I can relate to Steve in deciding to not care about people’s thoughts and judgments. For the longest time after college, I was trying to gain the approval of people who didn’t accept me during that period of my life. I had friends in college, but I was focused on winning over the people who didn’t like me. I would do epic things – for example, I went to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, to compete in the semifinals of the World Championship of Public Speaking, and also I published my first book through a publisher – and I thought, Now I’ve earned the approval of my college classmates. Now I can be happy because they’ll finally accept me. That’s when I went to a college reunion in New York City where some of the people in the same graduating class as me were in attendance.
Some of them disrespected me by ignoring me, not talking to me, and otherwise dismissing me. The event wasn’t a total disaster, as I did make some great connections at the event, but at the end of the day I felt left out and isolated, a feeling I hadn’t experienced in many years. This was the same thing they did to me in college, and they were still doing it, despite the progress I had made in my business and life. No hard feelings here, and I’m only sharing this for your benefit, but I left that event genuinely frustrated. After I had time to reflect on the experience, I decided to completely, 100%, stop living my life to gain the acceptance of others, especially my judgmental college classmates. This was a turning point for me, as I decided to cut the cord that tied my happiness to their acceptance of me. And I’ve never felt freer (this is coming from someone who was tied to the chains of what other people thought all four years of high school, all four years of college, and many years out of college). Ironically, I’m now in a position to most effectively help and serve others.
When you cut the cord that ties your happiness to the need to be accepted by others, you most effectively position yourself as someone who can help others.
This is what Steve means when he says that he no longer cares what other people think. You’ll never meet a guy more ready and willing to help other people, yet the very reason he’s able to do this so effectively is that he’s not worried about other people accepting him or not. Instead, he’s focused on how he can make a real impact on the world. The catch-22 is that freeing yourself from caring about how people perceive you is what will allow your innate authenticity to really shine through.
“I just got back from a conference in California,” Steve continued, “and I got a chance to see Pat Flynn speak. I also spoke with him. Pat is the kind of person I gravitate towards – someone who enjoys being themselves. I don’t like the kind of person who will put on airs, being someone they’re not.
“Also, while we’re still on this topic, I want to point out that I do care when I get a negative review from someone on one of my books,” Steve said. “I care in the sense that I want to make sure my work is high quality and really helping other people.”
Although Steve has definitely evolved beyond letting other people’s opinions throw him off his game or make him change course, he does care what people think in the sense that he wants to make sure he’s adding value to people and delivering what he said he’ll deliver. Not caring what other people think does not mean you become oblivious to feedback, reviews, and other aspects of constructive criticism that may be worth hearing. As we discussed earlier in the book, getting feedback from the right kinds of people is crucial to your success. The trick is to learn to tune out the majority of irrelevant comments, instead tuning into the few comments that do matter. Continue to disregard the many ignorant comments that mean absolutely nothing, but don’t forget to take note of the specific feedback that can help you get to your next level.
Play Your Own Game
“What advice do you have for someone who is just starting out?” I asked. “And when I say ‘just starting out,’ this goes for anyone at the beginning of their career, whatever their chosen career path may be.”
“Your life doesn’t have to mean working a crazy number of hours,” Steve said, “like some people say you have to do. It took me a long time to learn that I’m happy when I work for a reasonable number of hours each day, without going crazy. If I write for at least a couple of hours in a day, I’m good.”
This is coming from a professional writer, someone who literally writes books for a living. Steve is the epitome of redefining what success means, which was the core theme of my previous book Reach Your Mountaintop. It’s your life, not anyone else’s, and it’s up to you to decide what’s best for your schedule. A lot of people get brainwashed with the idea that they have to pull crazy, insane hours to be successful. Yes, that’s sometimes required, but it’s not usually necessary. Slow and steady wins the race. I’m all for making that big push, but I’m also all for knowing your limits and keeping your schedule in balance.
I realize Steve has become successful enough to afford himself the lifestyle where he’s able to write for a few hours, do a few other important tasks, and then call it a day, but how often are the binds we place on ourselves self-imposed? Here are a few quick examples you might relate to; I’ve been guilty of these as much as anyone else:
- We stay late at work to please our boss, even though many of our coworkers leave earlier.
- We spend our entire weekend working nonstop, even though every ounce of our being is screaming at us to stop and take a break.
- We endlessly compare ourselves to other people, never feeling good enough and never celebrating our achievements the way we deserve.
The point here is to play your own game and run your own race. Know that you don’t need to copy someone else to be successful; you can create your own formula for success. Yes, it’s perfectly okay to follow thought leaders out there, but don’t let their formula interfere with what you know is right for you.
“This is powerful,” I said to Steve, “and it makes a lot of sense. I know of several speakers and authors out there, who I’ll respectfully leave unnamed, who are crazy about the need to work insane hours. And please don’t get me wrong, these guys are super-successful and have earned their right to share their wisdom. I’m not criticizing or condemning them in any way whatsoever; I’m all for hard work. What I’m saying is that I’ve done the fifteen-hour workdays, and I’ve worked entire weekends nonstop, and it simply doesn’t work for me. I wake up on Monday after these crazy weekends, and I’m miserable. I’m a happy person, so I know when I’m feeling miserable I’m not doing something right.”
“I agree,” Steve said. “It’s about learning to be happy paying the bills. I have a ‘monthly nut’ that covers my bills and necessities, and if I hit it, I’m happy. One month I’ll make $65,000, and another month I’ll make $10,000. It’s about being happy with what you have. I don’t need more. Some people are in the trap of needing more.
“Also, some people have a down month, and they think of it as a reflection of themselves. It’s not though. A down month is not a reflection of your worth.”
If you have a down month in business or some other aspect of your life, by all means, figure out what needs to change and what you need to do differently to get back on your high horse. But remember that your business and your level of wealth are not a factor in your self-worth.
“You just hit the nail on the head,” I said to Steve. “One of my core messages, when I speak, is that your self-worth does not depend on external circumstances. And that’s exactly what you’re saying here. A down month is not a reflection of your worth as a person. Yes, it may indicate a need for a tweak in your day-to-day operations. But it also may be a reflection of the fact that there are flat-out ups and downs in business, such as seasonal factors outside of your control.”
“Well put,” Steve said. “It’s also important to celebrate your success. Are you improving? Are you making progress? You need to support yourself along the way. Ask yourself: What works for me? And establish daily habits. If you want to write a book, then write every day. I try to write for at least a minimum of thirty minutes each day. Some days I’m able to write for two hours or more, but even on an off-day, I write too. Consistency is better than feast or famine.”
“This has been awesome, Steve,” I said. “I’m looking forward to featuring you in the book. What you said here today ties into the core message of it, and ties nicely into what the other experts said as well.”
Steve Scott was featured in Chapter 9 of The Power of Authentic Leadership.
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