In my previous blog post, I outright stated that workplace bullying is an unacceptable global challenge. I opened up and shared a vulnerable story – one of many – in which I and others were bullied in the workplace.
For context, HR Acuity found in their research that workplace harassment and misconduct affect 52% of employees. That’s more than half of all employees, globally. This is an unthinkable number.
More than half of those affected by bullying have had more serious challenges related to being bullied.
Workplace bullying is a global challenge, and me and my colleague Daryl Woodhouse are on a mission to fix that and reverse this tragic trend. If you’re experiencing this, you’re certainly not alone. This is trend of bullying is deeply upsetting, but the good news is that we can solve this.
My People-Pleasing Manager Enabled Bullying
There’s more to share regarding the previous post and the experience of my colleague who was severely bullying people on the team. I mean it sincerely when I say that she wasn’t the core of the issue as far as what was wrong with that organization. Yes, her behavior was awful and unacceptable, but the root cause goes deeper. The core issue came down to leadership.
My manager – who was also the bully’s manager – was a huge people pleaser. From the bottom of my heart, please know that I’m not judging the guy for this, as I’m a recovering people pleaser myself. With that said, I am stating the truth here directly, which is that his people pleasing behavior enabled the bad behavior of my bully colleague.
When I was on calls with my manager and the bully at the same time, he became visibly uncomfortable when I respectfully pointed out work challenges that were occurring because of confused priorities and unclear expectations. He avoided conflict and was not willing to face the challenges of the team dynamics head-on. This became a breeding ground for my bully colleague to treat others poorly and get away with it.
When we don’t address and confront the bullying behavior of others head-on, the bullying behavior festers and grows. The negativity seeps into the team members and the morale of the whole team is negatively affected.
I wish I were exaggerating here, but I’m not. If anything, I’m understating the reality of the situation. Bullying is like a pernicious virus that slowly infects the whole team – if you’re not careful, unaddressed bullying, even from one or two people on the team, can ruin the whole workplace.
A Shocking Conversation With My Boss Regarding the Workplace Bully
On a particularly challenging day of dealing with the bully’s verbal attacks, I got on a call with my boss. I decided to have the guts to be vulnerable with him, saying that the bully’s behavior was negatively affecting me and others.
“It’s her personality,” he said to me. “We all have different personalities. And her approach is effective, as she gets what she wants. She wanted the supervisor role and she got it.”
I didn’t show my emotional reaction to my boss, but on the inside, I was completely shocked. To simply ignore the bully’s behavior was bad enough. But, in this specific case, my manager was rewarding the bully’s behavior. In this case, the true problem wasn’t the bully, but rather my manager who fully enabled and even encouraged her ridiculous behavior.
There are always going to be bullies. When we talk about ending workplace bullying, it doesn’t mean bullies are going to change their ways. Rather, it means that we change ourselves and our policies in relation to the bully. While the bully will likely never change, you have the power to change yourself. By not having the guts to confront the bully – and instead rewarding her behavior – my manager, unconsciously, became a co-perpetrator of the situation.
Bullying is not a personality type! Bullying has nothing to do with assertiveness, directness, or honesty, as you can be all of those things without being a bully. Bullying is about someone putting down someone else to boost their fragile ego. Bullying is the weak person’s game. Bullying is about being more than just a bad person – it’s about ruining someone’s life and then having no empathy or accountability for having done so.
“Don’t be intimidated by her,” my boss said to me.
From the bottom of my heart, I wasn’t intimidated! Yes, sometimes I felt uncomfortable around her, but not out of intimidation – simply due to her being such a nasty person to communicate with. My manager truly didn’t “get it”. He also truly didn’t see the negative impact his own people pleasing behavior had on the whole situation. When you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.
Stay tuned – there is so much more to come on this blog as far as addressing and putting an end to workplace bullying.
Daryl Woodhouse is a leadership expert, peak performance strategist, speaker, and executive coach who facilitates workplace culture transformation. Jeff Davis is a resiliency expert, mental health speaker, workshop facilitator, and workplace culture change strategist. Together, they are co-hosting an event, “How to end bullying & create a workplace culture & bottom line that thrives“, on January 25th at 11 AM EST/4 PM GMT. Register on eventbrite and save the date!
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