The Biggest Mistake Most CEOs and Leaders Make

The biggest mistake most CEOs and leaders make is thinking they are above others and therefore verbally putting others down, in both direct and indirect ways. Verbal put downs in an office can literally destroy a company’s culture, morale, and well-being.

I’ll start by sharing an example from my own work experience, and then I’ll go into ways for you to avoid this common mistake and flip it on its head.

Humiliated by the Director of the Department

“Enjoy your new telemarketing job,” the Director of the department said to me in front of everyone, doing my best to publicly humiliate me.

I recently resigned from my job with this Fortune 500 company in Maryland. The Director of the department (my boss’s boss) took it personally, so he thought of what in his mind was a humiliating job and he did his best to insult me. I found somewhere better to work, but he couldn’t handle that.

He decided to go even further below the belt. “Those good things I said about you in the past, I didn’t mean them,” he said to me.

(While working there, one day he came up to my desk and said how impressed he was with the accounts I was responsible for, with profits for my clients through the roof. I was one of the highest performers in the department and he said I’m one of the hardest workers he’s ever seen.)

The public humiliation wasn’t enough for him. He was really pissed that I quit my job in his department.

There was a department-wide bonus all the team members were receiving because we hit our targets and goals as a department. The Director sent me an email and said, “Jeff, you’re not going to be receiving the bonus – I took you off the list.”

I was talking with a colleague of mine about this. “You’re still employed by the company when the bonus will be issued,” he said to me. “And you’re as much entitled to this bonus as anyone else in this department, especially with your high performance.”

“You’re right,” I said to my colleague. “But I’ve decided I’m not gonna fight the Director on this. I’m above this situation and I don’t need the money.”

I have a Master’s degree from one of the top business schools in the world. I have positive references from every place I’ve ever worked, and I’ve been commanding high salaries at every job I’ve ever worked. Trust me when I tell you that this Director’s behavior didn’t get to me in any way. It was laughable.

The Mask Comes Off

This Director had been going through his whole working life wearing a mask. He was so stunned that he didn’t get a reaction out of me with his antics and disrespectful behavior. I let it roll off my back. I was twenty-two years old at the time. He was in his sixties, approaching retirement. He was taking the situation personally, but that didn’t mean I had to take it personally.

A few days before my last day in the office, I caught him in a moment of vulnerability.

“Jeff, I’ve always wanted to be a speaker,” he said to me. “But I never had the guts to go after my dream. I’ve been working at miserable, crappy jobs, my whole life. I see you doing all this public speaking at age twenty-two, and truthfully, I envy you.”

At that moment, I saw the truth: he was a child.

A small smile came through his sad expression. “Knowing you, you’re probably going to write a book about your time working here,” he said.

I DID write about that work experience and that director, in my bestselling book The Power of Authentic Leadership. 😂

“The average 70-year-old is just an 11-year-old with 59 years of experience.” – Jed McKenna

The Biggest Mistake for CEOs and Leaders

What happened above is my experience resigning from a Fortune 500 company in the early stages of my professional working life. This is one example amidst a huge sea of examples where people are disrespected and treated like crap in the workplace.

I’ve spoken to countless people who have had similar kinds of experiences in the workplace. It happens all the time. If you stay in someone’s “box”, they are your “friend”. But the moment you step outside of their box, they stop being your “friend”.

The biggest mistake that CEOs and leaders make is putting others down. As a leader, you are meant to serve others by lifting them up, encouraging them, and inspiring them. Having a higher title than someone does not give you a right to make them feel badly about themselves.

The authoritarian “command and conquer” leadership style is reminiscent of the industrial age. At one point, it served a function. But those days are outdated.

The challenge is that even in 2023, many CEOs and leaders continue acting like it is 1930. They continue to make the mistake of verbally attacking others both in private and public situations. This often leaves colleagues feeling demotivated and ready to find somewhere else to work.

Whether you like it or not, as a leader people look to you for a model of behavior. This is why leading by example is so important. Others in your workplace will mirror your words and action.

Putting Others Down Creates an Unsafe and Toxic Work Culture

When CEOs and leaders put others down, it creates an unsafe culture of verbal battles, gossip, backstabbing, and toxic dysfunction. This is hard for a lot of leaders to face because they don’t want to take responsibility for the faults of their organization. While you, as the leader, are not responsible for how someone chooses to act, you do have a key role in influencing what behavior they consider acceptable and appropriate.

I’m not saying you are necessarily the root cause of your organization’s problems, as that may be in middle management or other areas of your business. But I am saying that you need to hold the mirror up and carefully examine your behavior in the office. Become more self-aware by reflecting, asking others for feedback, and seeking outside help.

A lot of CEOs and leaders are completely focused on strategy and numbers. I’d encourage you to put your people first, even before the strategy and numbers. Then your people can focus on the strategy and numbers. When you avoid the biggest mistake for CEOs and leaders of putting others down, you create a real connection with your colleagues. You get to know their private and professional challenges, and you figure out how you can best help them. You make them feel safe, which leads to better performance and better business outcomes.

Some of the best leaders will start their day by asking their colleagues: How are you feeling today? What is your biggest challenge right now? What one obstacle, that’s most affecting your role, can I help you with?

Let Go of the Need to Prove Others Wrong by Being a Servant Leader

I gave an example above of someone putting me down for quitting the company. This kind of behavior from leaders happens in a myriad of situations. Leaders sometimes get upset when they see that someone else thinks differently than they do, which causes the leader to put that person down as a self-protective mechanism.

Embrace differences! With the power of authentic leadership, you flip the biggest mistake for CEOs and leaders on its head. You seek to understand others more, diving into the root causes of a given situation. You feel happy for people’s success and do what you can to help advance the career of your colleagues.

I know this is not easy. Some people resist change, feeling more comfortable in a toxic pattern instead of embracing a new way of doing things. One of the key things to remember here is that lifting others up, encouraging them, and helping them to succeed will multiply the success of your organization. Profits will go up. Morale will go up. Employee turnover will go down. Your organization will start to attract and retain top talent.

When you let go of the authoritarian leadership style of the past and instead focus on serving your colleagues in a way that enables them to best do their jobs, you transform the organization. You create a functioning work culture that leads to wins for you, your team, your clients, and your entire company.

Even when someone is on their way out of your company, it pays to treat them with respect. They may leave their honest opinion of your company on Glassdoor. They may share their experience with others in the industry. Word gets around faster than you may think.

Being Direct Is Not Synonymous With Being Rude

Please don’t misunderstand: there is a time and place to be direct and firm with someone. Perhaps you have a low performer who isn’t really getting a grip on things and therefore hurting the team. Perhaps you have a disrespectful colleague who refuses to change. These people may require a very firm conversation and possibly even dismissal from the company.

The key here is that being direct and honest with someone does not mean you are being rude and disrespectful to them. It’s not only about what you say but also how you say it. Are you focusing only on the negative? Or are you mixing in constructive feedback with genuine praise? Are you raising your voice to your colleagues and making them feel like crap? Or are you staying even-keeled and sharing your words in a neutral and grounded way?

This is really only the tip of the iceberg, and there’s so much to talk about here. You may be finding yourself nodding your head and resonating with this approach. Or, if you come from the authoritarian school of leadership thought, you may not agree. In either case, I’d love to hear your thoughts below. Whether or not you agree, I’m always learning and I’m open to hearing your perspectives and insights.

Jeff Davis is an award-winning author, most recently publishing The Power of Authentic Leadership: Activating the 13 Keys to Achieving Prosperity Through Authenticity. Connect with him on LinkedIn and follow him on Twitter. For three free books (The Power of Authentic Leadership, Reach Your Mountaintop, and Traveling Triumphs) in exchange for being added to his email list, email his Executive Assistant at meg@jeffdspeaks.com. Learn more about his story on his About page and feel free to check out his author page on Amazon. Also feel free to contact Jeff directly via jeff@jeffdspeaks.com. What Jeff does best is sharing his work experiences in a way that adds real value to others. Consider bringing him to speak as a mental health, authentic leadership, and/or resiliency expert at your next event. He’s also available as an Executive Coach.