Happy March, everybody.
Today I’d like to talk about how being yourself is challenging, but also quite enriching.
Being Yourself, In the End, Is Worth It
In my experience, being yourself is the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but also the most rewarding and liberating.
It’s especially important to keep believing in yourself even when you are in flux and down. It’s crucial to maintain that faith and inner belief even during those rocky times. Like many others, I didn’t have the easiest 2020, including experiencing an incredibly brutal burnout, and I had to keep believing. When you believe in yourself, it inspires others to believe in themselves.
This is what I talk about in my books and speeches – being yourself. It can almost sound a little cheesy on the surface, but it’s actually incredibly challenging because we live in a society that every single day is trying to get you to be something you’re not. Leadership and self-leadership are really all about being yourself, even when others don’t want you to be yourself.
I emailed the billionaire Mark Cuban asking to feature him in my book The Power of Authentic Leadership and to my surprise, he responded. He said the secret to authentic leadership is to be yourself.
And as the late, great Warren Bennis said, “Becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself. It is precisely that simple, and it is also that difficult.”
The benefit to being yourself is that your success will start to chase you.
Keep Believing, Even When Others Tell You Not To
Some people may tell you that believing in yourself and being yourself isn’t humble enough. I say this respectfully: that’s nonsense. You need to believe in yourself for others to believe in you. You need to believe in yourself to get what you deserve in life.
Certain people have challenges with their own self-esteem and their own image, which is OK, as we all have things we need to work on. What’s not OK is that these same people will then project their challenges onto you. Rather than growing, changing, and improving themselves, it’s easier for them to put you down by telling you that you’re not humble enough.
I’m saying this because I want you to keep being yourself, and believing in yourself, even when you encounter naysayers, critics, and backstabbers. Some people didn’t get the success they dreamed of, so instead of supporting you in your self-actualizing, they put you down and try to make you feel bad. It unconsciously makes them feel better about themselves in a false way.
What they’re really saying, between the lines, is this: come have low self-esteem like us. Come be average like us. Please don’t succeed because that will make us look bad and feel uncomfortable.
I’m sorry if this comes across as a bit blunt, but I’m sincerely passionate about seeing you break free from the box others want to put you in. I want to see you grow, achieve your dreams, and fully self-actualize. I want you to leave the haters in the dust and become more successful than anyone ever thought possible for you. And I want you to help others in the way you’re uniquely meant to. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, not in a cheesy motivational way.
My good friend Aditya Guthey, an inspiring speaker and entrepreneur, recently said to me on a call, “Some people don’t like it when you believe in yourself.” Aditya went on to say that you need to be great anyway. These are powerful words and Aditya is right – sadly, there are a good amount of people like this. The key to remember is that their self-limiting beliefs are a reflection of them, not of you. Leave the limits with them and you’ll soon see that their limits don’t apply to you as you keep fully believing in yourself and soaring to greater heights.
Please don’t misunderstand: there’s a time and a place to be humble, and life is about striking a balance between confidence and humility. With that said, when it comes to believing in yourself, start on the right foot and don’t play it small. Don’t let others define your limits. Don’t shortchange yourself because you’re trying to fit into someone’s limited mold. Release your full self in its genuine entirety.
Being Yourself Often Means Being Vulnerable
Being yourself can, and often does, mean being vulnerable and transparent. Everyone experiences challenges in life, but few are open and authentic enough to share those challenges with the purpose of helping others.
It’s valuable to both yourself and others when you’re vulnerable and transparent. This includes being open and authentic in all areas of your life: social media, business and your professional life, relationships and your private life, and your other endeavors like certain groups and organizations you’re involved in.
When I say being yourself by being transparent adds value to others, I don’t mean this in a motivational way. I mean it is as a reality and a statement of fact. Being open about your challenges with the purpose of helping others is what will help others get through their difficult moments.
You do this by talking about your failures, mistakes, and embarrassments. If it’s in your private life, this will be about you, and if it’s in your business life, it will be about both you and your organizations as a whole.
For the record, I’m not saying to always talk about your failures. You need to find the balance and do what works for you. And only take action on what I’m saying here if it resonates with you in your intuition and psyche. With that said, I’ve found in my experience that being vulnerable is the fastest and most effective way to help others. Whatever you are struggling with now or have struggled with in the past, I guarantee you there are others out there with those exact same challenges.
I’m not saying to do this for the sake of doing it. I’m suggesting you do it because it will help you achieve better results and reach your goals. Take off that mask, show your true self, and embody a life of transparency.
Our culture makes being fake seem normal. I’m here to tell you that being fake is actually not normal, and in fact detrimental to your long-term well-being on a number of levels.
With some people, authentic leadership is not the default approach. Not everyone will resonate with what I’m saying here. But I’d like to emphasize again that there’s enormous value in being full yourself, taking off the mask, and acting out of truth and realness – sharing both your ups and your downs with the world.
These aren’t just words to me, by the way. I actively live by them. I mentioned earlier in this post that I went through a brutal burnout in 2020. I shared with the world on both LinkedIn and Facebook my challenging burnout experience while I was still experiencing it. I did it to help others and show them that it’s OK to be open about the dark side of life.
Look, it was a little bit embarrassing to put out there in some ways. Facebook is not a platform where people are typically open about their challenges in life. And on LinkedIn, many people are constantly making themselves look successful without ever sharing their business challenges. But I decided to put myself out there in a transparent way anyway because I knew that being yourself in this fake world is the most powerful thing you can do. To be great and to truly help others, you have to sometimes risk embarrassing yourself.
A Fair Warning: Not Everyone Will Get on Board With You
Piggybacking off of what we were talking about earlier, let’s be real here and put it all out there: the truth is, not everyone will grow with you. Not everyone will like you becoming more of yourself. Some people, in a warped and dysfunctional way, want to limit you. They want to cage you. They want to hold you back and keep you down.
But at the end of the day, that’s their problem, not yours. On a positive note, in some ways, it’s actually a good thing that not everyone will agree with you and be on board with you. We live in a big world with a multitude of opinions and a wide variety of perspectives. People are entitled to their opinions, and some of those opinions may add value to you. With that said, you’re also fully entitled to not listen to their opinions and continue being yourself in the way you feel is best. Embrace the constructive feedback that applies to you, and disregard the rest. Easier said than done, but possible with practice and self-discipline.
Some people love me for my boldness and transparency. Others dislike me for it. I’m not saying that everyone is going to like you for being fully yourself. But I am saying that you’ll begin living a life that is more congruent and true to yourself, while at the same time more inspiring to others.
I’m on the front lines right now, leading from within and with transparency. I’m sharing both my ups and downs with the world, and while there are times I feel insecure I’m also not letting anyone stop me. At the end of the day, I’m being unapologetically myself, and I’m leaving others to make up their own minds about me. After all, the only person you ever have control over is yourself. Will you join me?
I will see you, my friend, at The Mountaintop.
Jeff Davis is an award-winning author, most recently publishing The Power of Authentic Leadership: Activating the 13 Keys to Achieving Prosperity Through Authenticity. He’s also an authentic leadership keynote speaker and Executive Coach to leaders and CEOs, offering individualized coaching. Follow him on Twitter.
