I'd rather be pleased with myself and have others be frustrated with me, than the other way around. At the end of the day, you're the one who has to look yourself in the mirror and no one else.#jeffdavisauthor pic.twitter.com/XaJCnyaekP
— Jeff Davis (@JeffDavis027) September 17, 2020
Authentic Leadership Is Not an Excuse to Not Change
In this important discussion on authentic leadership and being yourself, it’s important to note what it is and what it’s not.
A core dilemma in the world of “authenticity” is that “being authentic” is not an excuse for bad behavior and people having to tolerate things because of the “it’s who I am” cop-out.
Sadly, some people manipulate this discussion and use “authenticity” as an excuse to not change, which is the exact opposite of what growth and truth are about. We must be true to the gifts God put in us while also working on improving those parts of ourselves that aren’t working.
This is a nuanced discussion because the quote never water yourself down just because someone can’t handle you at 100 proof can seem like there’s no need to ever change and improve yourself. This isn’t the case. Never water yourself down means not being afraid to discuss certain topics and truths just because it makes some people uncomfortable. It also means not dulling your energy and passion for life, even if some people walk around like zombies and have given up on life. For example, I talk about suicide prevention a lot and I’ve gotten all sorts of reactions – some people react negatively not because there’s anything wrong with my message, but because I’m bringing up a topic they’d rather ignore. It’s about them.
With that said, it doesn’t mean I should sit around all day and blame others. I’m continuing to learn more about suicide prevention. I’m learning better ways to get my message across, and I’m growing.
No matter what, there will always be some amount of people who avoid the topic of suicide prevention. But it doesn’t mean that I have to stagnate and stop growing. There’s a difference here between fearlessness and growth. Fearlessness is about not watering yourself down just because some people can’t handle you or don’t want to address certain important topics. Growth is about learning from our past experiences, increasing our knowledge, and becoming better versions of ourselves.
The key to understand here is that being fearless to address certain topics doesn’t mean it’s OK to be rude and disrespectful to others. Character, integrity, and kindness are all crucial – in fact, these are hallmark traits of successful people.
The nuance is that while I’m not afraid to offend people by talking about suicide prevention and other kinds of topics, I’m not trying to offend people on purpose. Some marketers will even tell you that offending people is a good thing, as it gets people talking about your work in both good and bad ways – after all, a kite rises highest against the wind. But you need to go about this process strategically and with the best interests of others in mind – not offending people for the sake of offending people, saying things you’ll later regret, and hurting your brand for saying inappropriate things at the wrong time.
Lots to think about here, isn’t there? Everything is nuanced. Everything has gray area, and there’s nearly always an in-between. This doesn’t mean to ditch your point-of-view to please others, as your opinion and experience are just as valid as anyone else’s. At the same time, it’s important to be aware of other perspectives and not get pigeon-holed into a certain way of looking at things. Sometimes the best thing you can say to someone is, “Thank you for sharing that – that’s interesting, it may be true, and I learned something new.”
I’d love to know your thoughts, as what I said here is the tip of the iceberg. Being authentically yourself isn’t an excuse to not change. Being authentically yourself is being bold and fearless in your unique way, while also respecting others, maintaining integrity, and working on improving yourself.
Jeff Davis is an award-winning author, most recently publishing The Power of Authentic Leadership: Activating the 13 Keys to Achieving Prosperity Through Authenticity. He’s also an authentic leadership keynote speaker and Executive Coach to leaders and CEOs, offering individualized coaching. Follow him on Twitter.
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