My conversation with Michelle Demers over Skype went very well and we established a genuine connection. I met Michelle at a networking event in the New England area. Michelle is kind and a lot of fun to talk to. Excellent in business, she is an entrepreneur, life coach, business coach, and resource for many people.
Multiple Projects: Staying in One Place Versus Moving Around
“Do you think it’s absolutely necessary to only focus on one thing, or is it feasible to focus on multiple projects at the same time?” I asked.
“You can have multiple projects going on at the same time. It all depends on what your own bandwidth will allow,” Michelle said. “Some people will thrive with seven things going at once, and some people just need that one thing. It really depends on the person.
“With that said, if I try to do too many things at once, I get overwhelmed because I’m spread too thin. I then get nothing off the ground. What I’ve learned is to say to myself, it’s ok, I’ll get to those other things, but right now I’m just going to focus on one activity, one task, one goal. I used to think it’s bad to choose one thing, but then I realized that by trying to do everything I never got anything done anyways. Some people are masters at juggling ten things at once and if that works for them then I say go for it. But for me, I need to be focused.”
“That makes a lot of sense,” I said. “You can have multiple passions at once if that works for you. And at the same time, it’s essential to break down those passions into singular activities that can be completed.”
“Exactly. Ironically,” Michelle said, “the one thing I end up focusing on ends up funding my other ventures and passions.”
Don’t Get Ahead of Yourself
What I enjoyed about my conversation with Michelle, among everything else, is the practical tips and advice she shared while explaining larger concepts. She spoke of everything in practical terms, which I liked because the goal here is to not only give you the foundation and 50,000-foot view of authentic leadership but also provide the tools and practices needed to fulfill your inner life on a daily and hourly basis.
“In my fourteen years of coaching people,” Michelle said, “I’ve seen people with a vision who are investing in a vision before they are making money at it. They’ll get a fancy website, sign up for $50,000 and $100,000 coaching programs, and they haven’t even gotten a client yet. Or they take time off to write a book and they’re not earning money in that time. What happens is they end up burning out of resources before they even get started. They feel like they have to launch with version 5.0 instead of version 1.0. They’re not going out and getting the business to take 1.0 to 2.0; they try to shoot for 5.0 but then they don’t even get it off the ground. Then they’re totally done.”
In late 2012, early 2013 (roughly speaking, October 2012 through May 2013) I took time off to write my first book full-time. I had a little bit of savings to lean on, but I was struggling with paying the bills (this struggle ended when I found a job working for a County Government Economic Development Department in June of 2013). I can testify to the validity of what Michelle is saying here. Absolutely, positively, without the least shred of doubt, move forward with your goals and dreams in a proactive way. At the same time, make sure you have something stable that provides you with the freedom to take risks without worrying about where your next meal is coming from. Yes, working a full-time job while growing a business is challenging and asking a lot out of yourself, but let’s remember that these efforts are what will cause you to make a really big difference in the world. It’s your legacy and how you will be remembered many years from now.
Like Michelle, I’d rather grow my business than work a job for the rest of my life. But your job is the vehicle to get you to where you want to be. Instead of thinking of your job as a punishment, think of your job as an opportunity to refine the discipline and skills necessary to succeed in your entrepreneurial initiatives. Yes, it takes many years to successfully grow a business and even then there are no guarantees, but the final payoff in terms of success, personal freedom, and difference-making is worth the journey. Think long-term, not short-term. I’ve been grinding for years and I still haven’t seen much of a payoff, but it’s worth it because these efforts are helping people. It’s not just about the end result; it’s about embracing the hard work, the daily effort, and the long weekends. Within those long weekends, though, you will find joy.
I recently revamped my own website (jeffdspeaks.com). It’s not that my former website was bad; it’s that I wanted a better one, one that is mobile optimized and a bit more interactive for the end-user. Michelle is not saying to not spend any money whatsoever on your business and passions; she is simply suggesting to spend money within a budget and be smart with every expenditure. At the end of 2013, I wrapped up my Master’s degree at Johns Hopkins Carey Business School while simultaneously wrapping up my contract role with the Charles County Government in southern Maryland (a fulfilling and awesome job, by the way). Transitioning between jobs, I had less money than usual and I froze my expenditures on my business for a period of time.
But I used the downtime to finalize the editing of my first book, Traveling Triumphs: The Improbable in Budapest and Beyond; writing and editing books takes a lot of time. Through my networking, I found and used a publisher for my first book – he paid me for my manuscript, but I still didn’t have a lot of money. I lost more money than I gained publishing Traveling Triumphs because I had to pay out-of-pocket for expenses like editing, cover design, etc. With that said, just because you lack resources doesn’t mean you can’t move forward with your business, goals, and dreams.
At the moment, late 2018, after working in a digital marketing consulting opportunity over the last several years as well as being smarter with my spending decisions, I’ve taken control of my finances and I’m ready to invest in my publishing ventures again (hence, the writing, editing, and publishing of more books). The point I’m making is that investing in your business is great if you have the capital, but even if you don’t have the capital there are ways to bootstrap and still get your work out there. The amount of capital you have will vary, but you can find creative solutions to move forward even while dealing with challenging situations.
“When I work with folks,” Michelle said, “it’s about asking, where’s the money today? It’s about finding the path to getting a client or two to start income coming in so that there’s then revenue to upgrade to a nicer website or invest in this or that. What you invest in has to have a reason for investing in it as well. I’m all for investments, but they must be specific and purposeful investments. SO many people have burnt through all their money and now they have to go back to square one and get a job.
“I often say to my clients, woah, wait a minute. Come back to the moment – you don’t have to burn through all your money. I see this a lot with the consultant, speaker, and writer-type folks; they say they are not making money, but they’re spending it. They’re not being effective with their resources and time.”
There’s Freedom in Structure and Evolution
“There’s freedom in structure and a daily routine,” Michelle said. “That can seem counter-intuitive, but when you have structure, you then have the stability in which to have freedom, something I’ve been touching on during this whole conversation. When you have that stability it allows you to come at your goals from different angles.”
“That makes a lot of sense,” I said. “A lot of people want to jump right to the freedom, without first having the structure part, and they end up lacking the self-discipline to get work done and really move forward. And like you said, freedom can be found in structure, which is a powerful thought. That ties into one of the concepts I teach, which is that one’s day job is an incubator and facilitator to stepping into the life of your dreams. Now that you’ve seen some success as an entrepreneur, where do you see yourself headed in the future?”
“The next phase of my business ventures involves taking the last fifteen years of my business, putting the concepts together, and creating a training program that can be systematized,” Michelle said. “I think of it like creating a factory that will generate passive income. I also will be working more frequently with people in group settings, helping folks learn what I teach so they can become teachers themselves. My focal point is coaches and consultants and I’ll also be creating a networking group of my own.
“I’m also learning to delegate and outsource more now than I did in the past, which is allowing me to create systems that make money while I sleep. This is what enables me to keep my business in perspective and remain philanthropic while I continue to help others.”
It’s Better to Be Around People
“I think that one of the big problems with our world going digital,” Michelle said, “is that people are becoming more and more isolated. It’s actually better to be around people. Part of what I want to deal with in my group coaching is not only tackling business but also tackling the depression and anxiety. When you have those thoughts, it’s harder to be there for your family. When you only live at six percent of your brain’s capacity, you are only living at a mere fraction of what your life could be.”
“I agree Michelle,” I said. “A lot of people love the thought of working from home, of not having to go into the office. And for some people, that lifestyle and schedule works. But for me, I can’t stand working from home. I can’t ever fully shut off from work, and I find myself getting in my own head. I like to be around people. Coffee shops, libraries, any kind of public setting or office space helps me. There’s a balance of course, and when I’m deep into writing a book like I am now I do need my quiet space, but a lot of the time I find myself actually getting more done when I’m around other people.”
“Yes, people suffer,” Michelle said. “The work at home lifestyle, while liberating in one sense, can also be a trap in that it leads to isolation. I’m often at home and sometimes I don’t get out enough. One of the things I’m doing with my networking group as it unfolds is creating a community of people. From there, I’m taking it a couple of notches further than that and literally bridging the online and offline worlds. With all of the benefits of going virtual, it brings along with it its own set of challenges. Things that people didn’t expect come up and there are consequences to not getting out enough.”
What Michelle is saying here makes complete and 100% sense. Some of my best insights and ideas have come from conversations with other people. I’ve always valued talking with people in-person over talking to people online or through text and I’m glad Michelle and the other experts I’m speaking with feel the same way.
When you find yourself feeling down, overwhelmed, or too caught up in your own problems, sometimes the best solution is to go out and talk to people in some sort of social setting. If you don’t have someone to go out with, go out alone if you have to (some of my best nights have, counterintuitively, happened when I was out on my own). When you are around the right kinds of people, you’ll start creating magic. You’ll find yourself coming up with creative and unexpected solutions to your challenges.
“I touched on this earlier and I’ll mention a variation of it again because it’s so important,” Michelle said. “Understand yourself so that you know what works for you. There are people who get energy from being around other people where it helps to lift them up, and there are people who get energy from solitary activities. No one way is better than the other, just make sure to find the best mix for your own life and seek to make genuine connections with others.”
Parting Words of Wisdom
“This conversation has been amazing,” I said. “Do you have any parting words, insights, or general thoughts before we’re done?”
“With so many people,” Michelle said, “the personal stuff gets in the way of their business and, for that matter, any goal they may have. They have childhood wounds that haven’t been healed yet, self-worth challenges, and all sorts of stuff they carry with them that gets in their way. It’s really all variations of fear. I had a hard life when I was younger and an especially difficult childhood, and those experiences have affected my journey and what I do. But in sharing my story, I know that I can help other people. People who are good speakers and communicators dig deep and share with people those parts of their stories that others can relate to.”
Michelle just hit on a key kernel to authentic leadership and activating success in relationships: dig deep and share with the world your fears, your most difficult experiences, and your most devastating setbacks. These are the stories people will relate to.
To drive the point home and show just how right Michelle is, some of the best speeches I’ve given have been the ones where I revealed something I was initially afraid to share. People picked up on my genuine and honest nature and it completely shifted the energy and connection (in a positive way) in the room. As author Josh Shipp says, “sometimes the very thing in life that has hurt you the most is the very thing you can use to help other people.”
Last night, while I was taking a break, I saw an NFL-special episode of Brandon Marshall and how he battled through and overcame his struggle with mental illness. He now uses his successful NFL career as a platform to speak with and communicate with others on the power and possibility of overcoming those internal struggles and demons. Marshall is an exemplary example of someone who bounced back from setbacks and is an authentic role model. He now uses his story as a shining light of truth that others in the community can learn and benefit from. It was serendipitous that I saw this episode right before writing this because Marshall’s story was right in line with Michelle’s parting words of wisdom.
“Even if you’re a single person, you have to support yourself,” Michelle said. “Believe me, we’re not all successful at everything. Success does breed success, but only after experiencing failure. Dust yourself off after a failure and think to yourself, it’s ok. Everything is going to be alright. Some people are afraid to move forward with their lives because of fear and other sorts of mental hang-ups. If you’re bouncing around for the wrong reasons then you’re not going to have the success and will run into trouble. It’s ok to change direction, but you have to be strategic about it.
“I share nuggets of wisdom from those tough places I’ve been, letting people know hey, I’ve been there. If you hold back the tough parts of your story, then the other parts of your story won’t be as powerful as it would be otherwise. I’ve suffered from depression before, but I also know how to pick myself up. Dust yourself off, clear the personal baggage, and then share what you went through with others in a mutually supporting and encouraging way.”
Wow! What excellent advice for us to consider implementing in our own lives. Feeling encouraged by Michelle’s calm presence, I shared with her my own story of reinvention. While at Sandy Hook Elementary School and Newtown Middle School, I was literally the shyest kid in the entire school. But I reinvented myself by staying true to the core of myself, while better expressing myself around others. Now other people think of me as outgoing and gregarious, but that’s because I chose to become this way through conscious effort and practice.
You can choose your own path and way of being as well. By making smart investments, staying focused, and being true to yourself, you can activate the power within yourself to share your authentic self with the world. Authenticity leads to true happiness, and happiness leads to fulfilling your inner life while moving forward with your biggest goals. Take a baby step and start today. Life is all about taking it one step, one moment at a time. You can do it – I believe in you!
Michelle Demers was featured in chapter 7 and chapter 10 of the award-winning book Reach Your Mountaintop: 10 Keys to Finding the Hidden Opportunity in Your Setbacks, Flipping What You’ve Heard on Its Head, and Achieving Legendary Goals.
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